We’re Marley and Marley, whooooooa!

Proper christmas post will inevitably follow later on, perhaps Saturday when I’ve not much on, but FUCK THAT. What I really want to say is

MERRY CHRISTMAS DEAR READERS!

Yep, all two of you. *nudge nudge wink wink click click*

Love to you and yours, let me know if anything hilarious happens. I’ve been crying with laughter most of the day.
Off to finish watching the rest of the Rhys Darby dvd extras and then move onto Dara O’Briain’s first one whilst drinking a HORRENDOUS volume of rum. 

Big kiss!
X

Oh, changez le disc!

HA! That bloody picture of the Berry is still making me laugh like a prick. Went round to Laura’s the other day and saw her one and immediately started chuckling my head off. An enjoyable experience.

I’ve had a strangely happy week. It’s not even been a whole week. On Thursday night Jill came round and we watched lots more Sex and the City. Then on Friday we went into town to get some christmas presents. Was gonna dive straight into Saturday there, but then I remembered Friday night. I was home alone, went round to Asda, bought some Kopparberg and ordered a chinese. And then I watched the IT Crowd. I was very excited for it ‘cos I knew it was the episode we went to see being filmed. Fantastic. They’d added on a new bit before the opening credits which we didn’t see at the filming, so that was pretty good. The first thing that struck me was how odd it was seeing it from the angle they filmed it at as opposed to from a few metres away up some steps. The way they film it, they show you it all as it’s being filmed on big screens as well, but I wasn’t really paying much attention to them on the day, too transfixed on the actual set and watching the magic happen. There were a few bits I’d completely forgotten about, namely Moss claiming his mother had set her “friendface” status to “sensual” and him claiming his and Jen’s children were called Zenith and Quasar. The best thing about it, in my wonderful opinion was that they kept in Mr Berry’s improvised, “Come on, be game!” which had me crying with laughter on the night. They did cut a few bits out though. I was oblivious until Sarah reminded me that the ending was longer when we saw it as was Matt’s entrance (heh-low!). It’s been quite interesting watching comedy shows with studio audiences since being at the filming. In the back of my head I’m thinking “I wonder if this was the first take or if the audience are forcing it a bit and this is the second or third…” Then I saw someone on Mr Linehan’s blog said something about how they enjoyed the fact that it took a minute for Roy’s rotting teeth to register with the audience. But I remember that bit well at the filming. I’m pretty sure there was a close-up of his teeth in the first take and everyone went “ewww!” and laughed at the same time, but in the second take, they didn’t zoom in, but you could still see they were rotting, so people chuckled again anyway. Wow, that was probably very boring to read. Apologies.
Saturdaaaay… what did I do on Saturday? Probably nothing. I think I prefer staying in on Saturdays. Means I don’t die at work the next day. Speaking of, it was alright on Sunday. There were ten of us in which was a bit insane as usually there’s only four, occasionally three. And it was hella busy, so time flew by. Same with last night. It’s been an odd one. Christmas shoppers are strange. And it’s proven that if we sell any old shit, people will buy any old shit.

So, I’ve been in a good mood for days now and I’m not sure why. I’ve convinced myself that it’s because it’s Christmas this week (really?! no way! I’ve only just got over the fact that we’re into December!) but I’ve not been excited about Christmas since I was a nipper. So today I figured it must be new year I’m excited for. We’ve got a sort of vague plan at the moment. Hopefully I’ll get to old London town at about 8pm and get a cheeky tube to Old Street and get to the Travelodge, then me and Gracie and possibly Nella and others who want to join us will go to the Rose. I’ll give Sarah and Lynsey a text and see if they fancy a drink or two (or a couple more) and we’ll tell stories and have funtimes. Then we go back to the Travelodge and sleep ’til it’s the 31st and we get kicked out at 12. Dunno what we’ll do all day. Explore. Then we’re going to Sarah and Dan’s at night for some drunkenness coupled with board games. Perfect way to see in the new year?  I think so.

It’s beginning to look a lot like christmas.

The Ace of Spades! The Ace of Spades!

YES!
Greetings, traveller.
Tuesday was good. Wednesday was good. Today was good.
BYEEE!

Okay, okay, come back.
I’ll briefly run the past few days by you, then due to being lazy, will give you some videos to sum up today instead.
Tuesday was strangestrange. I was awoken at 10.10am by Laura phoning to tell me she’d be round for me in 20 minutes and then we’d go to the cinema. She was, we picked up Amber and ended up seeing High School Musical 3 at about 11am. Meh, it was free, I don’t care! Then we had an enjoyable lunch at el Frankie and Benny’s. Classy kids. But it’s our usual. Then we returned to the cinema to see Madagascar 2 (again). It was truly a kid day.
Wednesday. Yesterday. A few hours ago… Uh… didn’t do much during the day. Again. Sigh. Had the quiz at night. The last one of the year and it wasn’t quite as epic as we thought it’d be. More people than usual did turn up, but meh. It ended up being me, Baz, Aneeka and Stu as usual. Then Keri, Jordan and two people called Amy but spelled differently from Laura’s uni. We came third. Sadly, there was only a prize for first and second place. Pricks! (I jest!) Then to the Old School House, then I accompanied Keri to get some money out and ended up having a quick cheap drink in the new bar on Bridge Street and getting everyone wondering where we were. They seemed to buy our “You wouldn’t BELIEVE the queue for the cash machine…” line. Excellent. Then we went to Exodus where I avoided being accosted by sleaze-boys and Keri drank to much and threw up. We’d planned on going to the casino, but we just ended up going home. I know we’ll end up going one day when I actually have money though and t’will not be good. Anyway, payday tomorrow (well, technically Saturday, but it goes in earlier if it’s due on a weekend) so that should mean I’m less stressed and I’ll finish up my christmas shopping. Nice to be able to buy things.

Right then, today, I hung out the washing and ate toast… Oh, and made some videos:

Wow… it’s like a shit version of Abigail… with more swearing and destruction of boxes. I get bored when I’m alone sometimes. (I did hoover up all the random bits of wood lying around. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever opened a crate. No wonder it took so fucking long.)  I’m sticking this entry (OOOOH!) under the “rants and rambles” as well as “happenings” ‘cos I just re-watched those videos and I’m barely comprehensible due to rambling.

I am still grinning like a twat.
Win.

Don’t you want me in the garden?

Firstly, to get it out of the way…

Ahh, the larks, eh? I quite enjoy how bemused Georgie looks… The only thing I don’t understand is why so many men were needed to restrain him. If he had a gun or a knife or something, I’m sure he would have used it before resorting to the shoes…

Right, so continuing from my last update: yes, we did end up where I hated. Liquid to be precise. Although, upstairs there was a middle aged man who gave Ashleigh a free bottle of champagne and played 90s hits, which was acceptable. We waited in the pissing rain for a taxi for ages as it was a Friday night, but it wasn’t too bad.

Saturday was spent trying to do as little as possible and not really feeling up to going out despite the fact I knew I would have to get to the Filling Station for the Waterstone’s night out. In the post in the morning I saw my secret santa parcel had arrived. It was all wrapped up pretty and I felt bad that the one I sent out wasn’t. I watched it and it was a copy of the Panel. So I watched it before going out that night and fell in love. It made me want to be a bit Irish. Good fecking times.
So, with a sigh, I went off out into the night in the rain to catch a bus. I got to the Filling Station at 7.30 and Pete and Candice were already there. By about 8pm, we were seated and everyone bar Janet had arrived. Iain decided that he would lead a round of applause when she turned up. And he did.
The meal passed without a hitch. Laughs were had, crackers were pulled, profanities were exchanged and Joss’ voice went the loudest I’ve ever heard it when he said “I can’t believe you’ve never seen Top Gun!” to Candice.
Joan, Pete and Jenny all left before we moved on. And then there were 13… We headed out to the Wild Boar. On our way out, Joss gave me a hug and said “I think you’re probably the coolest person I know…”
And I agreed.

We got to the pub and it was packed. Still, we had a few drinks and I heard a few strange conversations, such as:
“Joss, you’re a slut!”
“I was only moving my ass!”

By the time we moved on to Exodus, our little 13some had become a 7some. Me, Shane and Flora the only three who had to be at work by 9am the next day and by this stage, Shane was wankered. As was Joss. It was like a competition, but with no clear winner.
Many interesting events occurred, but at about 2am, we headed home. Me, Joss and Pam attempted to flag a taxi (yeah, brilliant idea, Pam!) to no avail. Just as we were giving up, one came and let us in, so I ended up getting home at about 3am.

Somehow, despite being shattered, I managed to get up easily and get to work on time. Shane felt like death. Me, Iain and Flora felt alright. The day passed relatively quickly, presumably because it was insanely busy. I was given the 11.30am lunch which meant I didn’t eat (that’s brunch, surely!) My dad came into the shop at one point when it was ridiculously busy and Iain was on the till next to me. I’ve never felt so much pressure. My dad and my boss. Argh!
It went through phases of being hectic then silent. It was around 4.30pm that I saw a figure out the corner of my eye in the queue. I looked up properly and I saw it was none other than Garry. Now, despite being knackered, the day was set to be pretty awesome from the off as I knew I’d be catching up with this fella later. I’ve known him for about three years on the internerd but had never met up with him before. I remembered it was on livejournal we first spoke but had no idea how, so I did some investigating. Thank god for my lazy reluctance to clear out my email. This meant I have emails from before 2004 still in there, pages back. So I found the email that first said that Garry had left me a comment on LJ…

And the rest, as they say, is history.

So, I got to speak to him briefly and told him I’d text after I got out of work. Which I did do and made my way to Slains. It was so lovely to finally sit down and have a chat with him. Plus he gave me a pimp-mobile (Dawn of the Dead-esque Woolworths were all out of big red buses!) which is always a plus. We had some drinks and some food and dangled our feet like small children. Words cannot do this lovely man justice, for he is beautiful inside and out (I like to think I’m making you blush if you’re reading this, boy!)
We spent about an hour and a half discussing all sorts. A mutual hatred for most things, you know, just to get into the christmas spirit!
We ended up walking to the train station and having a rushed hug as we realised the train was due to leave in one minute (damn you, man-in-the-queue-in-front-of-us-incapable-of-buying-a-ticket!). This was to become the second time this year I’d encountered the frustration of missing a train. Fortunately, the fake Lemon Tree was still open, so we sat down there in the warmth while waiting half an hour or so for the next train and continued discussions of Deal or No Deal, Clubland and Eggheads. Now THAT would be a party. He told me he hoped to see an epic blog detailing our adventure and I said it couldn’t be done without pictures. And so…

Red eye fun!

To save him missing the next train too, we headed out ten minutes before it was due to leave and had a proper goodbye. And that was it. It was very sad. But we’ll do it again next year! I like travelling and when you get to meet awesome people at the end of it, it’s worth it, innit? (how many times can I say ‘it’ in one sentence?)
Bring on London.

So, I’m pretty much all out of cash but am planning a cinema day tomorrow featuring lunch out. Then the usual Wednesday on… Wednesday. It looks like that may be spent sober. Ho ho fucking ho. Work today was good. I do love my Monday nights. Larffs guaranteed.
I think I’m probably going to go to bed now. The news: coming at you as I get it.

O’Doherty slams McIntyre

Not really.

So, it’s been over a week since I updated this poor bastardin’ page. It’s not used to the neglect, frankly. Forgive me, I’m gonna have to do the whole “now, where was I?” thing and read my last blog and find out what chapter we’d got to. Ha! Oh, last time I did nothing. Wow.

Had the quiz on Wednesday as predicted. Woke with a horrendous bout of lifestyle flu on Thursday which turned me into a vomitting weakling for the whole day but did allow me to stay up all night watching Hitchcock films. On Friday I attempted to sort out my banking farrago and failed. Saturday… I dunno, I don’t write things down enough. Oh, actually no, I watched the Devil’s Chair at last. It made me giggle and I think David Gant is my new hero. The British Comedy Awards were also back on Saturday, but were rather disappointing. The only nominees I was interested in were Peep Show related and they didn’t win anything this year. The rest of the ceremony I shouldn’t have bothered with. Was quite nice to hear everyone boo the Daily Mail though. And to see ol’ Brand win an award and tell Adam Sandler that he should come onto his radio show. Sunday, work followed by Madagascar 2 with Big Al where I paid a ridiculous amount for some beer and almost killed Keri by making an ill-advised exclamation. Monday I had work. And at about 7pm, the shop was dead and it was only me and m’dear colleagues in. I think we had a total of two customers that whole hour.  Tuesday is where my week started to pick up. Caught a train in the morning to Edinburgh and arrived, went in past Matthew’s work and then caught a bus to Waitrose where I picked up ingredients to make my poor, ill sister some soup. We had a lovely time in the kitchen listening to 90s anthems. I LIEK MAI SISTUR!!!11!1!

I left for the Stand at about 6.45pm and got off the bus at Princes Street. I ended up walking past Steve’s poster that’s still up from the festival and giggling. By the time I got to the Stand there was already a queue, so I joined it. DO’D was just arriving and had to cut through the queue in order to get in through the box office. No-one bothered him except for a few “hiya”s and we waited nicely like good boys and girls for the doors to open. 7.30 on the dot, they did so and I awkwardly found myself a seat. Almost an hour later and DO’D was at the bar, again, not being hassled by anyone. He did his introduction which was the same as last time (later on he’d tell me ”Oh, it was the same show, just stretched out a bit.”) and performed for about 45 minutes, then there was a break, during which time I sat on Facebook mobile like a new age goon. The lovely man came back on and ended up playing Free Bird (but not the solo, just the bit noone knows) and did over an hour, then told us a tale of the worst day of his life, culminating in making a reference to Art Brut’s ‘Good Weekend’ and the fact that the girl it’s about is his ex girlfriend. It was here that I thought “Shit, I need to speak to this man after the gig and tell him I feel bad ‘cos I was listening to Art Brut on my way to the venue!”
So I did. I was about to go to see if the bar was open when I glanced back at the stage door and saw him with a few people. So I hovered ’til they were all done talking and started rambling at him. I’ve realised that when I meet someone I have a lot to say to, I tend to forget to tell them all this stuff and just end up babbling inanely about things that don’t interest them and don’t interest me, but they just come out my mouth. But he was lovely and polite anyhow and agreed to a photo. First time round, it came out blurry and he claimed he’d been doing his best gangsta face.

That’s not gangsta, that’s just adorable!

Anyway, second time round, as they were taking it, I attempted angry gangsta not knowing that he was just going for “very happy”, so I look a bit like a disgusting tramp who is about to cry and he looks a bit like a friendly pirate.

Aww! Anyway, he said to email him so I sent him an overly longingly long long message on facebook on my way home on Wednesday that I now regret as it continues the rambly irritating persona he encountered on Tuesday night. I walked to the Piccante afterwards and got a call from G-Unit (yep, new name ahoy!)  and as I walked past the Stand to go chance getting the last bus, the DO’D emerged and I did the pinkie wave and he said goodbye again. The pinkie wave. Oh dear christ. But I had no free hands!

Anyway, I didn’t catch the bus as I predicted might happen, so had to walk ALL the way back to the Playhouse where I knew there was a taxi rank. Eventually got back to the flat at about 12 and played around with my phone for a bit then went to bed.

On Wednesday, I awoke early, told the sister about the previous night’s antics and then watched Fat March. I say “watched” but I was sucked in by it. “Matthew! I’m watching fat people walking…”
We went into town at about 10am and I managed to kill a few hours buying dvds and cds for myself. Oops. But I stand by my purchases! At about 2.10pm I caught a train home. Eventually got in the door at about 6pm and by 7pm, I was out again to quiz my ass off. Again, it wasn’t a roaring success, but fun was had. We went to the Old School House afterwards where we re-acquainted ourselves with the barman we befriended last week and heard the tales of the ghosts that haunt the pub. Then to Exodus where I discovered the rum is cheeeeap. All aboard the good ship times. Was forwardly propositioned by a gentleman and was ever-so proud to be able to use the phrase, “maybe another time, darlin’.” when normally a “fuck off” would suffice. I was just in a good mood, I guess.

Thursday. Yesterday. Uhh… I woke up early and watched the Adam and Joe dvd. Excellent way to start the day! Posted my secret santa stuff and felt accomplished. Then I can’t remember what I did until 5, but Jill came round anyway. We had a chinese and watched five hours of Sex and the City. We are girls, this is a rite of passage.

Today, AGAIN I was up early and bought a ticket to see Morrissey in Brixton next year. Go Team Brixton. It’s not ’til May though, so I’m stopping myself getting excited just now.

Sorry those last few paragraphs were rushed, I’m running a bath. Out for Ashleigh’s birthday tonight. I think we’ll end up in places I hate, but hey ho, it’s not my birthday, I can’t cry if I want to.

Whose castle?

I’m listening to obscene amounts of Beastie Boys at the moment! I blame Jill T!

Anyway, what in the name of sweet Jesus had I written about before my bank-rant? Mental week. It’s been a bit of a mellow one since then. I’m feeling a bit accomplished though. Monday I did nowt as I had work in the eeeeve. It was alright, innit? Made sort of vague plans with Garry to meet up in the next few weeks. I am rather excited. This year is truly the year of meeting people I’ve known for ages but never actually met. Exciting times ahead.
Yesterday was pretty decent. I woke up early, had a shower an’ that, ordered my secret santa thing off the interwebs, then made my way to the coffee shop where I sat and wrote a letter to Sarah (I said that today would be the day I go there and do some writing writing, but may leave it ’til next Tuesday) then ventured into town, followed by the cinema to see What Just Happened? which was pretty good. Written down, that all doesn’t seem like an achievement, but being out the house by 12 is always an achievement!
Anyway, last night I ended up watching Screenwipe. Had been looking forward to it as I knew Mr Linehan was due on. It didn’t disappoint. It’s always a relief to hear him talking about procrastination being a good thing. And it’s always good to hear from Russell T and Sam ‘n’ Jesse. Anyway, a lot of what Linehan said was music to my ears. Especially good to hear him talk about not writing until you’re ready, which is what I’ve been doing. The only things I’ve got written down are little ideas for dialogue and plots and stuff. There’s no structure, not even close, but that can wait! I’d do a huge blog on it, but I’m not very articulate these days, so now I’ll just say this in case for any strange reason Charlie Brooker, Graham Linehan, Russell T Davies, Sam Bain or Jesse Armstrong stumble upon this blog: Well done, I love you all.

Today I planned on going to the bank and finding out what was going on with my card and stuff. But I got my arse in gear far too late, so instead  went to Asda, recycled some glass bottles, picked up mother’s prescription and bought some lentils, stock cubes and cider. What a life I lead! Quiz tonight. I’m organising the troops. It’s going pretty well so far. Amber, Laura and Stu are all in. Gary and Ashleigh are not. C’mon, Emma and Ryan! I do love my Wednesday nights. 

OH! I bought two tickets for me and Jill to go see Lily Allen in Glasgow next year. Fucking win. I love that lady. Off to make some lentil soup now I think. Thrilling. Oh word?

Here, banks, stop fucking me around, yeah?

What is it with these bankers? You’d think we were in the middle of a credit crunch or something!

A while ago, I abandoned RBS and hopped aboard the good ship Alliance and Leicester due to the former inexplicably refusing me a debit card. It’d all been going swimmingly until now. I kept the RBS account open ‘cos it’s where my pay goes in and y’know… it’s less hassle. So RBS finally decided I was worthy of a debit card the other week, despite me having one from Alliance and Leicester. They sent one out and me and the A&L card laughed at it, looking back on it like it was a sad ex lover, pining for me, wanting me to give it attention. The laughter lasted a few days, but cracks started to show. Today my card wouldn’t work when I was ordering a secret santa present online. I thought nothing of it and grudgingly used my RBS one for the first time. I just tried to use it again to order Jill’s christmas present and a second time, it didn’t work. I used the RBS one again. I thought maybe someone had stolen all the money from my A&L account so would check online to see how my funds were doing. The site blocked me. What?! So I’m gonna try the card at an ATM tomorrow and see what happens. If it lets me withdraw all my cash, I will.
I appear to have gone crawling back to RBS. How undignified.
Eff this ess, I’m gonna withdraw all my cash from both accounts and keep it in a pillow case.

My boring life, brought to you by wordpress…

PS: Gracie, do a blog, yeah? I’ve got nothing to read.