Ah, christmas time! The day itself may have passed, but that familiar insomnia has returned.

PLEASE LET ME SLEEP!

Proper blog when I’m not mentally-handicapped and irate and unseasonably warm.

Aaaany day now…

Reason #1
She has an Oral-B Triumph 4000 and is fucking proud.

Reason #2
For all of the music I’ve gotten into by default ‘cos she was always playing it.

Reason #3
She found this and made me laugh so much that I cried and choked and genuinely thought I was going to die unless I coughed up my lungs…

Books! Old and new!

Work was quite sad today. There were only five of us in, which was a bit of a comedown compared to the build-up-to-Christmas madness. It’s weird though, our sale actually seems brilliant. I’ve bought the following…




for about £23, when it shoulda come to £57ish. Hurrah!

So, yes, it seemed sad that there were so few of us in, but the day passed relatively quickly. I just wanted it out of the way so I could get home and go to bed. I think I will definitely do that now. Every sunday I wake up exhausted and tell myself “Ah well, I’ll just go straight to bed after work…” but I’m usually so awake by the end of the day that I don’t bother sleeping until ridiculous o’clock in the early hours of the next day due to being distracted by dvds or tv when I do actually get home.

Seriously though, bed… Even though Outnumbered’s on in an hour… Hm…

This is terrible. I’ve not been doing it long and I’m already running out of interesting words and settling for ones that sound moderately amusing, which is just not what you deserve, o reader!

So, perhaps each blog should be started with something new. A drawing? A riddle? A joke? Who knows? I’ll try and think of a moderately original (but probably not) thing to do soon though.

Oh god, it’s Boxing Day. What is Boxing Day? I find myself wondering that every year. Also, I feel weirdly depressed about it annually. I think it’s probably just the comedown from Christmas, but this year, it’s a double whammy as it’s a Saturday, which means work in the morning. O woe. I don’t enjoy Saturdays. Baz sent a text earlier to ask if I’d be up for Exodus times tonight. Strangely, I did feel up for it. This is only peculiar because I’m so pathetic at getting up in the morning that I never dare go out on a Saturday night. I’m not gonna bother though because it’s effort to get into town and I am lazy. I think part of my rubbish mood has been due to not seeing any of my friends and just being stuck in the house, so John’s gonna come over tonight and we’ll watch Dylan Moran’s new dvd. Lovely. This is his first tour in a while that I didn’t get the chance to see, so that’ll be good fun.

We did end up going visiting yesterday. The pavements are ridiculously icy, so most of the time was spent walking on the road. I was with my mother and father, both nearly fell several times and I had to grab them. I was so paranoid something like this would happen because I think about things too much. That story made me shudder. It was something that totally could have been avoided and was so simple, but astonishing. Death by falling over? That’s a worrying thought. Thankfully, we got to the Forbes household safely and were told many stories. My uncle regaled us with one about the day his friend’s brother got into a fight with Brian Blessed in the car park of a pub in Fort William. I wish I’d seen that…

I should get off the computer before I start buying things. I’m not gonna get lax with the savings! I wish the Apple Store had a boxing day sale though… Macbook, please… I think I’m going to rebrand Boxing Day as Box-set day. I should buy Life On Mars and… other things I can’t remember. Now off to watch House and work on my limp. You’ve got to learn from the best.

verjuice (VUR-joos) – literally, the sour juice of unripe fruits, especially crab apples and grapes. Figuratively, verjuice is sourness of temperament, disposition or expression. It is the hallmark of a curmudgeon (or Scooge, if you want to get into the swing of things).
And we all know it, but just as a follow-on, curmudgeon (kur-MUJ-in) comes from the French couer méchant, meaning ‘wicked heart’.

Ho ho ho, adequate festivus! I hope Santa (or SantaPanda) has been kind to you. SantaPanda is what I am going to put on my christmas cards next year. This was spawned by a conversation I had with Lee yesterday, where he told me of a friend of his who wanted a panda for christmas. He’d told them that Santa would have a bit of a tough job trying to get it over in his sleigh without being mauled. This led to discussion of a panda going mental and killing Santa, then taking over the present-sharing duties himself. Instead of old Père Noël creeping into the rooms of sleeping children (careful now) and quietly, undistubingly placing their stockings (careful now) onto the ends of their beds, we’d have a giant panda quietly crawling up the stairs, only to knock down the children’s door, much like an aggressive drunk, growl and attack them.
This is what I believe SantaPanda to look like, complete with torn-off beard in paw…

Ahem… anyway…
After the fun of last night (I’d forgotten that whilst trying to push the car, Ryan did the most prolonged fall in the history of falls, it is definitely the best thing I’ve seen all year. I also, at one point shouted, “Who do you think I am? Geoff Capes?!”) I got home, decided to listen to, appropriately enough Panda Bear’s album, Person Pitch very loudly, then watch the Muppet Christmas Carol again. I woke up at 5am, sadly not because I was excited for it being christmas, but because I had this really bloody irritating cough. I did that thing, where you lie in bed thinking “Should I go and get a drink/something that will stop this? Nah, it’ll pass…” for an hour and ten minutes before getting a drink of water. Then everything was fine and I slept until 10am.

I greeted my mother and we went downstairs. My dad was there, sat amongst the presents, somehow resisting the urge to open everything. We all did so eventually, but there’s far too many things to mention.
I’m glad that it’s got to that stage where my friends and I will all buy each other ridiculous things. For example, Keri got me a freakin’ singing pillow. You can plug your iPod into it and everything, it’s unnecessary and hilarious, I love it.
Jill got me a very sweet necklace, which made me feel bad for just getting her shit that she didn’t need but would make her laugh. Then I opened the final present from her which turned out to be…

That sod-hat! It made me laugh also.
Baz’s presents to me included a book that we’ve been selling at work that Pete has shuddered at, but I, as a female, have naturally swooned at…

Again, much hilarity ensued. (Especially later, whilst on the phone to the sister, discovering that Kenan of Kenan and Kel was in it. Say whaaaaat?)

The best thing came from Amber, though. Not only did she get me Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus on dvd, but she also bought me something I’d completely forgotten about, something that I spotted in a charity shop window whilst walking down George Street with her and insisted we stopped and stared in awe at…
Yes, that’s right, the Donald Trump board game…

That magnificent… piece of headwear! I can’t wait to play it, quite frankly…

I got this amazing brown dressing gown from my parents that feels like a massively excessive fur coat. I do not believe I’ve owned a dressing gown since I was a toddler. I’ve been swanning around the house with it on all day as if I was some wannabe-diva from yesteryear, but also feel a bit like mix between that hideous character Bonnie Langford plays in Bugsy Malone and Jackie Stallone…


“Yeah, Brackie…”

All of the above things are pretty awesome, as is everything I’ve received today, but there has been one more highlight that came in the form of a gift from my Granny…
I opened it. It was a jar full of Cadbury’s buttons and white chocolate buttons  and Minstrels.

I didn’t notice the Minstrels at first and thought that it was lovely that she’d bought me a jar of buttons. That alone, was very sweet. Then mother told me she’d once briefly mentioned to Granny that I liked eating milk chocolate ones immediately followed by white chocolate ones and I realised that she hadn’t bought them, but had taken my Granda’s old sweet jar and filled it herself. This made it even lovelier, the fact that she’d gone to the effort of putting it together and had given me something that used to belong to my Granda. I was, and still remain, genuinely touched. God bless us, every one.

We’ve just watched Dr Who. I think David Tennant and John Simm should be in everything. Especially Simm. Playing villains too. Exciting.
Off round to see my auntie, uncle and cousin now.
Hope you’ve had a lovely day, gang. See you on the other side. xx

I have five minutes to write this before it stops being christmas eve. I’ll do two words of the day tomorrow (CHRISTMAS!). We have, technically, entered the dregs of christmas eve… strap yourself in…

Had an insanely lovely day at work. I should sign up to work the eve of christmas every year. Good atmosphere, lovely people.

I joined my comrades at the pub after work for a light celebration. Bazzles took the car. Several beverages were consumed and it was more than great. Met lots of people I’d not seen in months too.

When the pub shut, we slid to the car, which wouldn’t move out of the empty car park. Several failed attempts to push it were made, which mainly resulted in Rory, Ryan, John and myself slipping on the ridiculous ground. At one point, Baz announced she was going to reverse. At which, I shouted to a floored John, “JOHN! GET UP!” as he was right behind the car.

I think she crashed into his face.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
X

skimble-skamble – (SKIM-bul SKAM-bul) this lively adjective describes things that are confused, rambling, incoherent; like a skimble-skamble narration of a frightening experience, or a skimble-skamble explanation of something somehwat beyond the speaker’s power of comprehension.

There’s a rumour going around that Adam and Joe are not going to do their radio show anymore. I don’t know whether to believe it or not. They’ve already announced that they’re taking some time off as Joe has to go to LA and do a real job, but Saturday’s programme ended fairly emotionally, it’s easy to see why people think they might not be coming back.
Danny Wallace took over for them during the summer and while I adore him, his radio shows are sometimes a little… bland. SHHH, I DIDN’T SAY THAT! I DO REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE HIM LOTS THOUGH! ‘Yes Man’ is one of my favourite books. I swear! I hear he’ll be standing in for them again in the new year, but what’ll happen if they have left for good?

This is just how it starts, though. Russell Howard and Jon Richardson used to do a radio show together. One day, it was announced that Russell was taking a break for a while to concentrate on Mock the Week and touring, but they’d definitely continue doing the show when he was back.
Then it ended.
Since then, little Rusty has stated that he and Jon had fallen out and the last couple of months doing the radio show had been awkward and they wouldn’t talk to each other between songs. I hope they make up some day, though, because they were very very funny together. At least Richardson still does the show, which is more than can be said for Russell Brand’s Radio 2 show…

I’d loved it forever, but it started to go downhill at the end of summer 2008, though it was still entertaining. A few weeks before it finished for good, Matt had stopped turning up and it was co-hosted by various people, culminating in that fateful episode with Jonathan Ross. Matt’s absence was never really explained fully, but touched upon casually in a way that seemed to say “Don’t worry, he’ll be back in a few more weeks…”
Then it ended.

I hope this doesn’t happen to Adam and Joe. We’ve been told that they’ll definitely be back next year, but we’ve heard this before. I’m onto you, Big British Castle!
On the other hand, I hope Andrew Collin(g)s is right and that it’s just scaremongering. If it is, it’s nice that people are taking a break from trying to get people terrified of swine-flu and terrorists and the economy and concentrating on getting us worked up about something more interesting…

These a few clips of the show, the first is quite a recent piece of genius and the other two I’ve played to death but can still reduce me to tears of laughter. LORRA LORRA.

mussitation – (mus-ih-TAY-shun) muttering to oneself in a very low voice, if any or soundlessly making speaking movements.

It’s been a strange couple of days. This christmas lark is stressful. Work has been a bit mad, but there’s been a lot of staff in, so that’s been sort of lovely and has provided lots of hilarity. Well done, gang.

I went into town with my dad before work yesterday as he had the day off. We went for lunch and then he bought some books from the shop for mother’s christmas, then we had another sit down and some hot chocolate. It was really nice, actually…
It was on Sunday that I realised I like the shop most at christmas time because it’s ridiculously busy and everyone seems to be in a good mood. People, even if they’re stressed at christmas shopping, seem to not be so dickish as usual. Well, I’ve not encountered as many pricks than normal anyway…

Today, I was working a shift I’ve never done before, 12.30-9. I didn’t think anything was worse than 11.30-8, but it appears I was wrong. So tiring. Especially annoying that I got a bus at 11.20 this morning and didn’t actually get to work until 1.10pm. Curse you snow… and also BARROWMAN! [fist shake]
I had a half hour break at 3pm and then my lunch hour at 6.30pm. Mmm… fake lunch. I spent the hour wisely, by heading out to buy a present for my secret santa. I bumped into Lee on the way and he joined me and was in awe of the selection of tiny beers available in the shop I ended up at.
Good ol’ father came into town to pick me up from work and take me to Baz’s. God knows how long it woulda taken to get home otherwise. Snow is delightful to look at and occasionally play in, but it’s a pain in the arse. I got there, exchanged some presents, couldn’t be bothered anymore and felt bad for Jill, so came home. I would like to move away soon, please. But first, let’s do this whole christmas thing!

epizeuxis – (ep-ih-ZOOK-sis) the immediate repetition of a word for the sake of emphasis. “Hear hear!”, “Well well!”, etc (etc).

A number of tiny things that have happened to me recently have made me feel both perplexed and amused, but ultimately moderately entertained for a couple of minutes. Here are some of those things…

-I couldn’t sleep purely because, even in the pitch blackness, I could sense that my bin was too close to my bed. I moved it, then tripped over the lid on my way back to bed.

-I said to my dad that I enjoy it when people criticised others for being pretentious but spell it wrong. We both said, “With a ‘c’!” and threw our heads back and laughed at the same time. Am I in Frasier now?

-I (think) I invented two words by accident. One is ‘ridicules’ which is actually pronounced like a cross between ‘ridiculous’ and ‘Hercules’, but can also be substituted for ‘ridonkules’ if you’re in the habit of, for some ungodly reason, saying ‘ridonkulous’. The second one is ‘Count Dudeula’. I have found it to be the best way to start text messages to friends, “Count Dudeula! What time are we meeting at the designated meeting place?”
I would like these to catch on. Do with them what you will.

-I genuinely had to take five minutes out of my busy life (ie: I had to pause the podcast I was listening to to give the thought my full attention) to try and remember if I can swim or not. No conclusion has been reached. I’ve not been swimming since I was 10 years old and I’m pretty sure I nearly drowned then…

[This is my go-to blog that I was to use when feeling guilty about missing a day. I apologise that it's very short, I've to do another one in a moment... Not my fault, broken bastard internet.]

galimatias – (gah-la-MAY-shee-us) [this seemed appropriate] nonsensical talk, gibberish, twaddle, confused and meaningless babble, unintelligible jargon and mishmash. Sometimes with the implication that the balderdash is not only senseless but somewhat pompous. I am so freakin’ self-aware.

[I suspect this may be one of many blogs on this subject, but I'll make it quick.]
About a week ago, I was invited by several people on Facebook to join the ‘RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE FOR CHRISTMAS NO.1‘ group. I giggled at the thought, then saw that the campaign was being run by Tracy, who I know off of the Twittersphere and met briefly (but it was still delightful!) in April, and her husband Jon, so I knew it was in safe hands and joined immediately.

Now, I don’t really care about who is number one for Christmas. It could be said that the whole thing stopped being interesting in about 1995, after East17 had won it. I’ve resigned myself, for the past few years, to the fact that someone from a reality tv show is going to win it and other than an eye roll and maybe even a tut, I can’t bring myself to muster up a stronger reaction. Let the people do what they want.
This year, though, I’m not quite sure why, I allowed myself to be excited by the prospect of actual rivalry for the first time in years. Plus, it was the X Factor vs. a song I quite enjoy (my first memory of it was when I was about nine(?? – schwest, back this up with facts, please? — and, whoa, brackets within brackets… maverick!), my sister and I bought a copy of either  Select or Rock Sound magazine, I can’t remember which, for a free cd because we wanted the Fun Lovin’ Criminals track that was on it. It also featured Killing In The Name and I spent a lot of time listening to it, giggling secretly and guiltily at the creative language used in it).

Because so many people had made such a big fuss against this year’s campaign, it made me want it to get to number one more than songs of the past have.
There was a bit of a backlash due to the fact that both Joe McThatguy and RATM were on the same label so Simon Cowell won either way, but I didn’t see it as that. I tried to think of an eloquent way of summing up this little bit of fun and how I feel about it to John when we were in town the other day because he’d said something about somebody in his class talking about it being a pathetic act of rebellion and I disagreed with that. I couldn’t really sum up my irrelevent little thoughts. Still, the best I could come up with is:
I’ll support it. I don’t see it as this big stand against Cowell personally or anything serious at all in fact, it is just a way of breaking that boring tradition of recent years of a predictable christmas number one. Injecting that sense of competition back into the christmas charts again. Fun fun fun. Organised fun, but fun nonetheless. (PS: Fun.)
Also, I feel no more than apathetic towards eighteen year old Joe (shut up, I’m not bitter that he’s more talented despite being younger than me).
That being said, it is quite a good, fair message to send out to anyone involved in reality shows such as these. As far as I know, the terms of winning the X Factor do not state that you definitely get a Christmas number one, so nobody has really been robbed. It’s a privilege, not a right! …Like early lunches at school…