Posts Tagged ‘comedy-nerdism’

Standing down Black Squadron [23/100]

December 23, 2009

skimble-skamble – (SKIM-bul SKAM-bul) this lively adjective describes things that are confused, rambling, incoherent; like a skimble-skamble narration of a frightening experience, or a skimble-skamble explanation of something somehwat beyond the speaker’s power of comprehension.

There’s a rumour going around that Adam and Joe are not going to do their radio show anymore. I don’t know whether to believe it or not. They’ve already announced that they’re taking some time off as Joe has to go to LA and do a real job, but Saturday’s programme ended fairly emotionally, it’s easy to see why people think they might not be coming back.
Danny Wallace took over for them during the summer and while I adore him, his radio shows are sometimes a little… bland. SHHH, I DIDN’T SAY THAT! I DO REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE HIM LOTS THOUGH! ‘Yes Man’ is one of my favourite books. I swear! I hear he’ll be standing in for them again in the new year, but what’ll happen if they have left for good?

This is just how it starts, though. Russell Howard and Jon Richardson used to do a radio show together. One day, it was announced that Russell was taking a break for a while to concentrate on Mock the Week and touring, but they’d definitely continue doing the show when he was back.
Then it ended.
Since then, little Rusty has stated that he and Jon had fallen out and the last couple of months doing the radio show had been awkward and they wouldn’t talk to each other between songs. I hope they make up some day, though, because they were very very funny together. At least Richardson still does the show, which is more than can be said for Russell Brand’s Radio 2 show…

I’d loved it forever, but it started to go downhill at the end of summer 2008, though it was still entertaining. A few weeks before it finished for good, Matt had stopped turning up and it was co-hosted by various people, culminating in that fateful episode with Jonathan Ross. Matt’s absence was never really explained fully, but touched upon casually in a way that seemed to say “Don’t worry, he’ll be back in a few more weeks…”
Then it ended.

I hope this doesn’t happen to Adam and Joe. We’ve been told that they’ll definitely be back next year, but we’ve heard this before. I’m onto you, Big British Castle!
On the other hand, I hope Andrew Collin(g)s is right and that it’s just scaremongering. If it is, it’s nice that people are taking a break from trying to get people terrified of swine-flu and terrorists and the economy and concentrating on getting us worked up about something more interesting…

These a few clips of the show, the first is quite a recent piece of genius and the other two I’ve played to death but can still reduce me to tears of laughter. LORRA LORRA.



We smiled at the trees [19/100]

December 19, 2009

pachydermatous – (pak uh DUR muh tus) a familiar term for elephant and certain other thick-skinned animals that are hoofed and do not chew their cud. This is probably mentioned in crazy Leviticus somewhere, my favourite of all books of the bible for sheer LOL-value.

Yesterday was lots of fun.
I woke up and watched some tv, as is my right as a human being and layabout, then got a call from John. We planned to go into town, but were both running late. I thought he was at the bus stop before me as I saw a figure smoking there, but upon closer inspection, it turned out to be an old man. I have no idea what we managed to do for the few hours we were there, but I reckon my attempts at paying in money to my bank account via the magic machine in Alliance and Leicester must have taken up a good two of them.
They always say to me when I deposit monies, “You know you can use the machine?”
I always nod and think “Pfft, never gonna do that… Technology!” but yesterday I decided would be the big day as I had moral support from John. Apparently, though, it only liked £40 of my money and the rest wasn’t good enough, so I had to hand it in to an actual human anyway. Never trust machines. Except… I’m writing this on a machine… or is it writing for me? We may never know. I bet it craftily edits these posts behind my back once I’ve submitted them. Bastard.
It had been lightly snowing since we’d been at the bus stop; that pathetic, tiny-flake snow that never amounts to much. We described it as the type of snow you say, “Ooh! It’s snowing!” about, but it stayed like that for most of the day instead of turning into a mad flurry like what’s supposed to happen.
We went to Slains for food where we managed to gossip (John is well Sex and the City) for a good hour and a half. Then we attempted to catch a bus home. By this point, it had really started to snow. It wasn’t sticking in town as it’s all concrete, but eventually, when we got on the bus forty minutes later and made our way to the Bridge of Don, it looked really thick. Madness! Snow! In actual winter as opposed to June?! What happened to that lovely global warming we’d been having?

By the time I got home, it was 6pm and I’d had a text from Steve to say he’d be onstage at 8ish, so I headed round to Amber’s and we were driven to the AECC, which was nice, considering it was freezing. We headed to the box office where I picked up our tickets and then looked at where we were sitting and thought, “Well, gee, that’s quite near the front, I think…”
We bought some drinks and Amber some chips and after doing a Fonz-style “‘Eeeeey!” at some guys I’d met at the bus stop earlier, we found our seats. We were in the second row, right in the middle of the stage.

Steve did good.
It turned out that Biggles was sat two rows behind us as well. Party-section.
At 8, the lights went down and Steve came on with new tales of what his dad has been up to of late. He was really very good, as usual, and I was most impressed that he even managed to make the curmudgeonly couple in front of me and Amber giggle. Well done, sir! Part of me wanted to pull Amber onto her feet and join me in a mini standing ovation, but I feel this would have been futile as you can see sod all from that stage when the lights are on.
There was a 25 minute interval in which Biggles came to talk to us and I spent most of it alone as she left and Amber queued for more drinks. I had a text from Steve to say that they were heading straight off on the bus afterwards, so there’d sadly be no time for a drink or two, but to come and find him when the gig was over.
Amber returned just before little Rusty Howard came onstage and he was also as good as anticipated. The strangest ending to a comedy show I’ve ever seen though. Some dude called Bryan (“With a ‘y’, it’s very important…”) came to the front of the stage and had balls enough to jump on and stand with Russell in some weird turn of events just to get his program signed. He said the word ‘cunt’ a lot and, the weirdest part was when Russell casually mentioned something about tourette’s, Bryan unzipped his top to reveal a tshirt that said…

It was truly, truly very strange, but Russell seemed to be loving it. Bryan left to applause and more chancers ran up to the stage. It was like Russell Brand all over again… The next girl who went up, though, I saluted. She was just there to tell him that he had a bit of hair that had been sticking up all night and she wanted to sort it out. The rest of the people were blah blah and shunted away by security. Surreal end to a gig. Hope it prompts him to come back… even though it’s weird that he’s massive now and isn’t playing at the Lemon Tree… He’s still good people!

We headed to the toilets and then braved it outside. Lots of people were waiting, but I just wanted to thank Steve for the tickets. He and Russell came out and as Russell went by, Amber asked him for a photo.
As I was taking it, I asked if he’d seen the video of that monkey riding the goat on a tightrope.

He had. Of course he fucking had.

We let him saunter off to meet the rest of his adoring public and we tracked down Steve who was signing things for people. We grabbed him when he was free and I gave him a hug and commenced talking, but he was very popular that night and everyone wanted an autograph. It was lovely!
Russell came over when he was done and Steve asked if he’d met me before, to which Mr Howard replied, “Yeah, briefly, we spoke about monkeys riding goats!”
It was a delightful end to a delightful night, but we didn’t get to talk for nearly long enough as they had to get in the bus of booze and XBox and drive straight to Sheffield. Next time, hopefully. We’ll get that drink someday!

I was looking for good clips of Steve on youtube to illustrate why you should go and see him if you get the chance and have just discovered he was recently on Russell Howard’s Good News. Really very funny, he deserves to do well… and Klang should get a second series!
Watch.

Nice aaaarse [5/100]

December 5, 2009

I woke up at Grace’s and she was still asleep so I started reading my atheist book. I forgot to write what Robin had written in it before. “What are you doing in this London hellhole portal where they hide the atheists?” Very good writing, despite him insisting that it was very sloppy.

We got up, sadly parted company and I went for lunch at London version of Slain’s again. Once more, I’ve no idea where the day went, it was ridiculous. I think a lot of it was spent looking for an internet cafe to do this bloody blog, to no avail. I’ve finally found one, so I’m gonna remember where it is in future. I’m the only one here and there’s five minutes left, but I think I’m gonna have to ask for an extra half hour… despite the fact that the man’s on a call that’s lasting ages and I don’t want to interrupt (but at the same time don’t want to spend the rest of my time in Lahndahn before leaving at 2pm in an internet cafe).

So, yes, I had lunch, walked around for far too long looking for imaginary things and then went to meet Penrose at her work. I did so and we caught a bus to the pub where we sat by the fire. Lovely! Especially as it was freezing. We waited for Lynsey to turn up and then went to go on a Jack Rippy walk. Our guide was awesome. He did a little cockney song halfway through despite being quite posh himself. It was raining and cold, but it was most enjoyable. I forgot I was a massive Ripper nerd!

[Just asked for another hour. That'll take me up to 12.20pm if I wanna use it all... I should maybe really attempt some christmas shopping or something. But on the other hand, it's a Saturday, so it'll be even more horrendously busy than usual.]

We were at a bit of a loss as to what to do after the walk, but ended up getting a bus back to the pub, which was strangely busy by this point. There weren’t any seats round the side we’d been at before. Damn fireplace theives. It was here that Lynsey spotted a familiar character of Berry. We giggled and then bought some drinks and managed to squeeze onto the end of a table some other people were at. When the man wasn’t in sight, everything was fine and conversation could resume as per usual, but when he sidled round to our side of the bar, he was quite distracting. I mean, that hair is magnificent!

We left to catch one of the last trains back to the FH massive, but our excitement didn’t end there. Oh no. I was sure I heard two guys by the door say the word ‘Chumbawamba’ and I was informed by Sarah after we alighted that they had been talking about when they used to be in that band. This prompted us to get ‘Tubthumper’ stuck in our head. Oh dear.

We watched some Snuff Box as we had planned earlier on in celebration of Sarah and Lynsey meeting Fulch again the day before and because we’d been on a ripper walk. After the pub, we decided that seeing that man in the pub was a sign that we should definitely watch it. That’s when I started to get distracted whilst writing the last blog.

I feel bad that it was mainly written today, though (the fifth). I just couldn’t write about Karaoke Circus quickly and we really needed to get to bed. But the intent was there. I’m still all about self-improvement! Hooray for 100 Days! I just looked at the site and got a bit depressed about how boring my pledge is, but then I must remind myself that I’m doing this for me to be good in future. There are some seriously cool pledgers out there though. Especially Dig Your Fins. I miss Lego…

Now, what’s something good I can do for a couple of hours? I think it’s time to consult Twitter…

How we like to sing along although the words are wrong [4/100]

December 5, 2009

I am trying to write this with Snuff Box on the tv directly in front of me, so it will be poorly written as I am so easily distracted.

I didn’t get the hat for Grace. Or pick up my ticket for Karaoke Circus.
I went to Bethnal Green to do so, but I’d been told the Working Men’s Club was exactly on the right as you turned up Pollard Row and it wasn’t. I gave up and headed to Goodge Street to go track down another  place I didn’t know how to get to. Waterstone’s. Busman’s holiday, innit? Somehow, I found my way there at about 4.30 and saw the Fulcher as soon as I walked in. I wandered around for a bit and ended up in the science section where I bumped into Robin Ince. As he walked by, I let out a chirpy, “Hello Robin!” and he came back and started talking about science books for a bit before going to sit at his table for his signing.

I attempted to look for a copy of the Atheist’s Guide To Christmas ‘cos I wasn’t sure if I had to buy a book first before getting it signed, but none were to be found anywhere. Turns out they were all downstairs at Ince’s table. It was next to Fulch’s table and his long queue, but it was quite quiet so I spoke to Robin again and felt quite bad for not really talking to the others, but I was on too much of a roll (ie: I was rambling like a twat to him and he looked bemused). He signed my book and asked what I’d been doing and what I was getting up to that night. I like this man ‘cos he likes to talk. I told him I was off to Karaoke Circus and he was annoyed that he couldn’t make it as he had to head to a gig, but he said Ben Miller’s duet was going to be amazing. I got a bit more excited, thanked him and left.

Again, I made my way to Bethnal Green, but this time spotted a massive crowd outside a building I took to be the place I was going. I stood, cold and waiting and did what I do quite well: got anxious about something going wrong. As it turns out, it was very easy. Lovely Danielle Ward had sent me a message on Facebook to say there’d be a ticket for me on the door to pick up before 7.30, but the place didn’t open ’til then. I knew it’d be alright, but I like to predict the worst just to prepare myself. So obviously after anxiety, I got in alright and paid my money and sat alone at a table. I helped a man and woman move some tables around so they could see the stage and I watched various people I recognised walking around looking scared and excited. Foz and the Baron opened things with a song. Very dramatic, I want them both to be my friends, they make the effort, dressing-up-wise.
Martin came on, apparently half an hour late and told us how it was going to work, then he introduced the first act (I’m just gonna talk about the famous people ‘cos that’s all anyone ever cares about, darling), a man I like ‘cos he writes good comed, Andy Riley. It was here that I realised I didn’t actually know what Andy Riley looked like as he was the man in front of me who I’d moved the table with. So that was nice. He did ‘Teenage Kicks’ and was very energetic and good. Dan Tetsell was standing in for Dan Maier as a judge with the Baron and he started off as being very polite about the acts, but as the night went on, became the villain, encouraging boos from the audience. That’s boos as in jeering, not as in booze. Next up were the boys of Pappy’s Fun Club, who were dressed as… slaggy angels made out of tin foil. Very funny. They did Slade’s ‘Merry Christmas Everybody’ whilst jumping around. Tetsell commented on being able to see their testicles. Then Luke Roberts came on in a wig and did Kate Bush’s ‘Babooshka’ which was very funny. Then the Actor Kevin Eldon, who somehow in the panic I’d managed to forget was performing, came up, spoke a little about depressing and despair and then sang REM’s ‘Everybody Hurts’. Tetsell hates the song and the Baron was disappointed that he ruined the happy vibe, but still described him as “Totallyyyy painleeeess!” which provoked more cheers. Good old Eldon. Dave Gorman got off to a false start with his version of ‘Stop The Cavalry’. The man with the horn at the start was very good, but apparently not good enough. Take two. Then a third, which went without hitch. I still have this trumpet bit stuck in my head…
The Penny Dreadfuls closed the first half with ‘Dancing in the Dark’. They were very funny though. And as promised, they brought the sex-ay!

During the interval when the lights were turned back on, I realised that my table had become occupied by Ben Miller, Tony Gardner and Jack, Tony’s son who had performed a song annoyingly well as an open spot. I kept my head down, cursing the fact that I find Ben Miller slightly oddly attractive. Shurrup. I continued texting Jill and Kerry but overheard what Ben and Tony were planning on singing and got excited. Then Andy Riley turned round and stood up to start talking to them. All of this was going on directly above my head and I was a little overwhelmed by the comedy-energy. Surreal.

After the break, Tony Gardner and Ben Miller took to the stage and performed David Bowie and Bing Crosby’s ‘Little Drummer Boy’, complete with the talking at the start.

Tony was Bing, Ben did a startlingly good Bowie impression. It was brilliant. I think it probably got the biggest cheer of the night.
Next up, Margaret Cabourn-Smith, who I believe is Dan Tetsell’s lady, doing ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’. This prompted Tony G and all near me to shout “FIX! FIX!” when Tetsell had to pass judgement. It was very funny and he got out of it by being cheeky. Good guy. The Baron salvaged it for him though. Laurence Howarth was next up and he impressed everyone by a rendition of The Last Of The Famous International Playboys. Ace! Everybody sang along and Tetsell giggled and said he shockingly really enjoyed it. Anna and Katy were next and did ‘Last Christmas’, including sincerity. Well done, ladies!
Martin was onstage as the judges spoke about Anna and Katy’s performance and he looked a bit anxious and kept checking his watch. The gig was supposed to finish at 10.45 and it was already 10.50 and Chris Addison hadn’t been on. When the judges had finished up, Martin asked Chris, “Where’s Jess?” to which, he shrugged, and so they picked a girl at random from the crowd to get up onstage with him and help him. Her name was Cat. Or Kat. I don’t know, I’m not her mum. The song they did was ‘Fairytale of New York’ so I made a mental note to ask my family if this counted as hearing it, thus winning December family competition. They got through the song and were swaying along during the musical break at the end when Jessica Stevenson (I’m too stubborn to call her ‘Hynes’…) turned up at the front of the stage looking outraged. She got ushered up as the band continued playing and Cat went off. Everyone booed, it was very amusing. They did the song again and the judges gave their bewildered comments (including one from Tetsell about expecting a lot better from the stars of Lab Rats and According To Bex, which made me laugh far too much) and then had to make a choice as to who had won. They said it was Cat, which I think was very nice of them. She got a little trophy and they invited everyone who had sang back onto the stage to do a song together. Bohemian Rhapsody. Sa-weet! Perfect way to end things.

I got ready to leave and saw Kevin Eldon lurking by a fruit machine so thought I’d kick myself later if I didn’t say hello. He was very lovely and has a rather expressive face. What an actor! He did actually say at one point, “Ah, it’s acting!” and I shoulda commented on the fact that that’s what you expect from The Actor Kevin Eldon, but I was still braindead from the night before, so didn’t think of it. He asked my name and shook my hand and laughed enthusiastically at my inane comments. A truly delightful man. Then I headed off into the night and went to Grace’s where we stayed up and spoke and watched old Whose Line Is It Anyway clips into the wee small hours.

One Hundred Days To Make Me A Better Person [1/100]

December 1, 2009

Just over a week ago, the lovely lovely Josie Long announced that she was starting up a delightful project. I’m not always the most eloquent person (I assume that if you’ve read this blog before, you’ll be thinking, “Pah! Tell me something I don’t know! …Pah!”. Okay, I will. Here is that thing: I’ve just had a very quick shower, during which, I did a little dance to ‘If You Shoot The Head You Kill The Ghoul’ by Jeffrey Lewis and nearly fell over and died. If that is something you did know, you should be burned as a witch… or prosecuted as a Peeping Tom), so I’ll just copy her message from the website as she explains it all nicely.

Hello friends and welcome to One Hundred Days to Make Me a Better Person.

From December 1st, myself and a group of comedians, writers and musicians will be trying to make ourselves better, every day, for a hundred days. Some will be working towards a big project, like learning a language, and others will be doing the same something, like writing a letter each day.

As the days go on we’ll be documenting and posting our experiences here, as well as on our flickr and twitter accounts.

On March 10th, we will present our experiences, and perform some of the things we’ve made at a spectacular gig for the London Word Festival. The gig will feature a gallery space for people to show off their own projects and all kinds of hi-jinks.

We want you to join in too!

All you have to do is decide on a project to do every day for a hundred days.

It can be the same thing every day or working towards something big. The only thing is that it has to be towards improving yourself. Make yourself friendlier, stronger, wiser or just sillier!

Use the site to document your progress and meet other people who are taking part.

Follow us on twitter.com/hundredday

Find us on flickr.com username: A Hundred Days To Make Me a Better Person.”

I took all of two minutes decide what my “project” would be. That probably explains the unoriginality of it all. I decided I would, like Richard Herring started to seven years ago, write a blog entry each day in the hope that it’ll get me back into writing.
I’m aware that I already write too much on this little patch of internet, but it’s never anything really profound or exciting, it’s just stuff that’s happened to me when I’ve had the urge to type, which doesn’t occur as often as it used to. This is what I’m hoping to change. I used to love writing and, although I still do, I’ve become very very lazy with it and I don’t like that.
I can’t promise that the next hundred days will bring about anything especially great or interesting, but I’m keen to see if I’ll keep it up or lose interest and if it inspires me to finally write something worthwhile that I could actually do something with. I would like to write funnies for tv one day in the future and although, if by some weird twist of fate, that crazy dream comes true, I really doubt this will have a big part in it, but I’ll just be happy enough if this gets me back into the good habit of writing on a regular basis.

I think I’m going to change my name to Kirsten Self-Indulgence Innes by deed poll one day…

Thank you for reading, gang, and I apologise in advance for if this whole thing inevitably becomes a page of very hit-and-miss ramblings, where the misses heavily out-number the hits as it drags on, but it’s all part of the project I guess.

Love you long time,

xx

I assume that if you’re reading this, you and I are pretty like-minded people, so you’ll probably be familiar with them both already, but if not, here are some visual treats that prove Josie Long and Richard Herring are brilliantly endearing…

You should buy their dvds and read Herring’s blog (that he still does daily… he’s been doing it since 2002 – what?!)… and listen to the Collings and Herrin Podcast if you are not too easily offended… If you are already doing all of these things (buying and listening and listening and listening), I salute you.

Oh, Terry Christian’s let himself go…

November 12, 2009

Two heroes in just under a week.
I think you might have to take it as a given that most of my blogs from now on will be structured thusly:
-description of going to see someone I admire deeply in the flesh
-a nostalgic look at someone I admire deeply
-the excitement of meeting someone I admire deeply, sometimes punctuated by a photo of me meeting that person I admire deeply.

Shall we just end this here then?
You are your own person, do what you like.
Unfortunately, I am mine and am going to self-indulge as it’s the only thing I fear I know how to do well. Really. It keeps me awake some nights.

So I met up with Pete and some of his friends at the Music Hall on Tuesday to go and see comedian who is sometimes off the tv, Stewart Lee. If you’ve read more than one of my blog posts, chances are I’ll have mentioned that man in it and how he is my favourite comeejin ever. I saw him live for the first time in August, and although I knew it’d be the same show but maybe just a tiny bit longer, I definitely wanted to see him again when he came to our Music Hall. We got into the hall and were bemused by the strange set up. It said on our tickets that we were at a table, so presumed it would be set like a comedy club, but instead, the tables were in perfectly organised rows, as were the chairs which all faced the stage. Peculiar. We sat where we believed were our seats and basked in the sounds of Robert Pollard’s vocals over the PA. Soon, StewLee came out, hair all over the place,  commented on and laughed about how formal the seating was. He told us about the last two times he’d been in Aberdeen since he last played at the Lemon Tree when he, in his own words “had to come up to meet some people who were protesting against something I’d written [Jerry Springer: The Opera], which was nice…” and “when I came here on Honeymoon by mistake”. Very sweet.
I didn’t realise he’d a support act, so thought it was very strange that he was starting a show in such an off-the-cuff manner. We realised this wasn’t the start of the show when he introduced Henning Wehn, which was a lovely surprise. As with Paul Foot, Henning Wehn had been on my would-like-t0-see-live list since seeing him on Channel 4’s FAQ U in 2005. He did a delightful twenty-five minutes and then there was a short break, during which time we joined Pete’s friends who had two spare seats at their table which was slightly nearer the front than ours. I felt like a meganerd that as Guided By Voices’ ‘Glad Girls’ came on, I began to get excited, knowing that during the next song, StewLee would return to the stage. And he did.
Unlike when I saw him in August, it all went ahead as he planned with no technical faults.

The show itself was not too different from August’s, but there were a few changes. In Edinburgh, he’d shown his Caffe Nero loyalty card to a small room of maybe 100 people, but as he’d mentioned, he was in a large echoey hall so not everyone could see it. He ended up having it blown up twice, but the scanner would only go about half the size of A4, so he’d had to paint a giant version of it onto a large sheet of paper (“this is the furthest north this has been…” he said with a slight chuckle). He didn’t mention Jeremy Clarkson being the least unfunny motoring journalist, but he did get to drop his mic, jump off the stage, come into the sea of tables, around five feet away from us and shout about how he’s not one of those people who thinks everything was his idea. He stood on top of a table too, which was good and brave because they were not very sturdy.
When he did his rendition of Steve Earle’s ‘Galway Girl’, I tried to record the sound on my phone (but it didn’t turn out brilliantly) and again, wanted to cry a little bit. It’s horrible when a song you love gets ruined for you by tv adverts. He’s got a good voice though, that man.
He left to lots of people making lots of positive noises. We headed in the direction of the bathrooms and said we would rendezvous in the foyer  five minutes later. I was a bit early and saw a big crowd in the foyer by the merchandise table. I looked over, hoping that I’d see a StewLee in amongst the bodies and I did.

Now, again, in Edinburgh, you may recall a minor freak-out that I had after seeing him standing two metres away from me. In fact, I wrote about it in an embarrassingly dramatic tone on this here blog,
I glanced over to my right, the direction she had just shot off towards. My attention was caught by a figure two metres away in a rain-jacket who had his head down, looking at his phone but was also listening to the woman next to him. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew who this was. I froze completely. He looked up, spoke to the woman, she said goodbye to him and joined the end of the queue and he put his phone away, stood for a second looking blankly like he’d forgotten where he was and then moved towards the door. As he hovered in the doorway with his back to me in his little Berghaus anorak, I shook myself out of my stunned state and knew I had to walk over and shake this man’s hand or I’d regret it for a long time. My knees moved but my feet didn’t. He’d already started to walk away and within seconds he was gone. I did not say hello to Stewart Lee.
So obviously, when this opportunity presented itself to me once more, I’d have been a fool not to take it. I joined the queue of people waiting to get things signed and figured out what I was going to say to him. I had no idea though.

A couple of weeks ago, I logged into my oft-neglected Myspace page and saw that he had posted a bulletin. Shocked by the fact that people still used Myspace, let alone StewLee, I sent him a message about music. More specifically, about the Male Nurse. I managed to get a couple of replies off him, but was worried that I was irritating him as the it’s difficult to get across your intended tone via typing words into a box, so didn’t bother him any more. I thought this would be a better time than any to apologise in case I had pissed him off somehow.

A man in front of me seemed to be showing Mr Lee some sort of toilet book. I can only assume this from the fact that Mr Lee said, “Oh right, wow, an actual toilet book…”
Said man appeared nervous and quiet but seemed to me to be a perfectly lovely comedy fan. I smiled as he walked away and then made my way forward to talk to my hero. I am aware that the smallest of encounters I report are excruciatingly detailed, but they mean a lot to me, in my sad little life so I like to write them down to make sure I don’t forget anything. It is my one tiny OCD thing.
I stepped to his table and said, “Hello.” as he held his hand out to take my ticket off me. I cannot be bothered using repetitive words that I would to describe the next minute, so I will use dialogue which is roughly exactly what was said… As with most of the conversations I get involved in, it consists of a lot of ‘Oh’s.
Me: “That was brilliant. I saw the show in Edinburgh and–”
SL: “Oh really? At the Stand?”
Me: “Yeah, it was great.”
SL: “And what’s your name?”
Me: “Kirsten.”
SL: “K-I-R-S-T..?”
Me: “E-N.”
[SL writes 'Kirsty' on my ticket]
Me: “Oh no, sorry, it’s Kirsten, T-E-N. Sorry, I’m a mumbler.”
SL: “Oh no, it’s me, I’m sorry, I’m going more and more deaf after every show.”
Me: “Ha, I can imagine. Oh, by the way, I’m sorry about pestering you on Myspace about the Male Nurse.”
SL: “About what, sorry?”
Me: “The Male Nurse.”
SL: “Oh! That was you, was it?”
Me: “Yeah, sorry I kept asking stupid questions and–”
SL: “Oh, not at all!”
Me: “Is it alright if I get a photo with you as well?”
SL: “Yeah, sure.” [He stands up, I go to take a photo and the guy behind me in the queue offers to take it. During this time, SL begins to tell me about one of the Male Nurse performing live Hammersmith Apol-- Hammersmith Lyric, sorry, that got really good reviews." ]
I then told him about seeing the Rebel live and how nobody seemed to really understand what was going on except me and my friend who were loving it. Amazingly, he looked quite interested and I can’t really remember what else he said. I shook his hand, told him again that I’d really enjoyed the show and that I’d probably pester him again in the future.
“Take care.” He said as I walked away.

You must always have at least one semi-banal conversation with the people you like the most. I think this is a good way to live life.

I saw Henning Wehn by the exit talking to some people, so I thought I’d kill to birds with one gun and quickly tell him he was very good too. I sort of hovered as he signed a man’s dvd and he turned to me, “Hello, young lady!”
I told him that he was a lovely surprise and that I didn’t have any money with me to buy his dvd, but I’d get it online. He seemed in a most excellent mood, which was very nice to see. One thing struck me about both of these comedians; how smiley they are. It filled my tiny heart with joy and I left a very happy Kirsten.

I met up with Pete outside and then caught a bus home. Everyone on the 2A to Ashwood looked pissed off. I smiled out the window and planned a poorly-written, dull blog on the evening I’d just had.

Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, you

November 7, 2009

What a bizarre night Wednesday night was…

At around 7pm, I went to catch a bus to get me to the AECC for 8pm, only to find out that the next bus wasn’t due for another forty minutes, so I phoned the father and he ended up taking me there. On the way to the bus stop I saw lights in the sky and chuckled at the thought of them being there for Eddie Izzard.
By the time I got to the AECC, it turned out they were. Oh baby, you so decadent.

I found my seat (nine rows back, sa-weet!) quite quickly and immediately whipped out my phone as I do when I’m alone at gigs, so I can at least pretend to look like I have friends. There were two big screens at the side of the stage, both of which were showing various members of the audience, mainly looking flushed, but one guy started stripping much to the embarrassment of the lady next to him. Several women hid behind handbags, one man did an evil stare. Izzard’s twitter feed was also shown on both of the screens. As I watched messages flood in, I saw one that I’d sent whilst on the way to the gig about the lights posted. This, along with the need to keep my head down and stare at my phone, prompted me to post several more things. It was very strange. At one point, there were only about two other people in my row of seats, so I posted “There’s hardly anybody in my row. Why do you hate me, people of Aberdeen? I’m one of you. One. Of. You.”
By the time this was eventually screened, I had two guys next to me. One of whom read out my message and chortled. I was proud. They did this with another of mine later. There were, and it pains me to admit this, twelve that appeared in total. This would never have happened if I was with people! Well… it would have, but they would have maybe been entertaining… ANYWAY! That’s not the point. For now, I’ll let you know that one of these messages said simply, “STEPHEN!” (and to my delight, some boys a few rows behind me laughed to themselves and said “Just coming!” but in their partner voices.)

Soon the lights went down and there was a trailer for THE EDDIE IZZARD STORY!!! or whatever it is really called, then he came out and I got too excited and just sort of grinned at nobody whilst clapping.
I do not remember how old I was when my sister bought her first Eddie Izzard video, but it was a good good day. He became a massive part of my childhood and love of comedy in ways that I never would have imagined.
Most of the time, this was an excellent thing. I memorised everything he siad and did and when I was possibly about eight or nine years old, I recall acting out his Evil Giraffe (despite not knowing what a herbivore was… I can only imagine we’d not covered that by primary five…) in the playground at school much to the bemused faces of my friends who, again, did not know what the hell I was talking about…


Some other times, however, his teachings which I had taken for absolute truth, would leave me looking like a tit.

In first year, our year head, Mr Gibson (woop!) was taking our Social Ed class for some reason. I assume he was trying to get us motivated and to share things about ourselves with one another as he asked if anybody knew anything about Achilles. I, confident I knew all about this guy from the Izzard, raised my hand and said, “All of his important things were in his heel:  his brain, his liver, his lungs, his spleen…”
Gibson looked confused and said, “…No, uh… not quite… anybody else?”
Curse you, Izzard! But I still loved him. Forever and ever amen. Now back to November 2009, Kirsten. Oh, okay.

So… yeah. He came onstage. I was in awe and wasn’t really concentrating on what he was saying to start with, but caught up eventually. He was looking great. In boy-mode, but with a fantastic jacket on.
I don’t want to give too much away in case anybody reading this is due to see this tour/buy the dvd soon. Except I think there’s only one possibility that that might happen, if my dear sister decides to read this and she is off to see him in Glasgow in a few days time.

Some things I like though…
-Around three minutes into the show, came the first round of applause, but it wasn’t for Eddie. He mentioned something about the moon and how soon there’ll be comedy gigs on the moon. A guy shouted out, “Aye, but there’d be no atmosphere!” and everybody laughed. Everyone loves a well thought-out science related gag. Apparently Izzard didn’t hear it.
-He said “So…yeah”, “action transvestite” and “I’ve said this before, but who goes on holiday in pyjamas?”, all of which made me happy. He even managed to crowbar in a quiet, “Covered in bees.” And nobody whooped at the reference and acted more excited than they were, which I was expecting and not looking forward to. Well done, Aberdeen.
-Mentions of place names in Scotland. Including asking if we get sick of English people coming up and saying ‘Aberdeen’. “You should just make it four ‘e’s in a row, it wouldn’t make a difference.” He pronounced Kirkcaldy correctly (incidentally, “Kirkcaldy correctly” is a fun little phrase to say).
-Very very funny animal mimes and dinosaur impressions. Hooray!
-He mentioned Valkyrie and how he really enjoyed the end product because it was a film that English kids and German kids could both watch together and see both of their sides try and fight the nazis. A woman shouted “Stop plugging!” He didn’t hear her, then figured out what she said and said, “I’m not plugging! I’m just saying that it’s a good film ‘cos it shows that there were Germans trying to stop the nazis too! …So fuck off!”
Everyone applauded again and a man at the back went, “Waaaaaaaarrrrrggh!” or something similar. Eddie looked bemused. Just before the interval, he said, “Go get a drink, go to the toilet, maybe knife a few people…” pointing in the direction of the rubbish hecklers.

After the show, I checked my phone and had a text from Paul which said “JUST COMING!”. I hadn’t realised he was at the gig so texted him to find out where he was, bought some things, went to the bathroom and then left. I took a photo of one of the massive, excessive Eddie Izzard: Stripped trucks and slowly walked to the barriers where several people were waiting to meet the man himself. I wanted to stay behind and wait, but again, was weirdly self-conscience about being by myself. I heard a guy next to me talk to one of the security women about how he was studying journalism. He was very charming. A few people left and the makeshift queue moved down a bit. It was here that I heard, “Kirsten!” and saw Paul with two of his friends. Huzzah! Someone to stand with! I knew I woulda hated myself forever if I’d left then found out that Paul had met the guy. At around 11.30pm, three security guys came out. One, being followed by the other two, said “If you’d just like to come with me…” and everyone walked after them. I presumed he was talking to us and not just the guys he was with. What a faux-pas that would have been! They led everyone inside, which was strange, and for the second time in a week, I hoped I wasn’t going to be kidnapped. There were about twenty of us by this time and we walked into a side door of the AECC to a corridor that I recognised from my brief stint as part of the waiting staff there. The door directly in front of us as we walked in led to the arena and there was another to the left which led backstage.  People began queueing again and we stood by the backstage door where we believed to be the end of the queue as we figured if he was going to do a similar thing to the queen, he’d go down the line and spend most time with the people at the end. Clever, eh? Just as we were plotting this, Izzard came out of the door right next to us and we were the only ones to notice him at first in his little anorak (first StewLee in one, now Eduardo) so let out a little “Heyyy!”. Then everybody else caught on and came over cheering.
He said that he was very tired and if it was okay by us, he’d do a little Q&A for us. Wow! He said to take photos and videos and whatever we liked, so I did, just to prove how close we were to him, if anything…

I also took a video of him talking briefly about transvestism and doing films, but it was on my phone and the memory started to go because my phone is terrible, so it only lasts around 2minutes 30seconds and the woman in front of me’s head kept getting in the way, but I’ll try upload it someday.
There was a guy recording the whole thing, but it was also on his phone, so if it does end up on youtube, the quality might be a bit rubbish.
He spoke about bits of the show that change every night, how one of the ideas he kept returning to that night had spawned from being onstage two nights before and how he likes to talk to hecklers, but it really slows the show down if responds to people who just make noises and he can’t hear. He also mentioned that he’d seen at the interval on Twitter what the “no atmosphere” guy had said (I think I may have been this Twitter-nerd, Twerd?), apparently he’d only heard the word “atmosphere” and thought the guy having a dig at that show despite it only being a few minutes in… until everyone laughed and applauded. He mentioned the woman who said “Stop plugging!” and asked if it annoyed people when he spoke about Valkyrie, which I thought was very sweet, but nobody got to answer because a guy at the back shouted, “She’s here!” and the woman who had shouted it looked embarrassed, apologised and said she she was only joking… and it was her birthday!
He finished off after about half an hour, which I think was just lovely of him and people started clambering over to shake his hand. I ended up doing that thing that I always seem to do whenever I meet someone I adore but don’t want to interrupt anybody else and was hovering by his right elbow. A girl had a massive poster of Steve McQueen for him to sign which he seemed bemused by. As she looked for a pen, I politely (I must stress that I’m always very polite. Always. All the time. You prick.)  stepped in and asked for a quick photo in a very apologetic manner. He obliged and we both stared at my phone at the end of my outstretched arm… it didn’t flash, so I checked the screen, “Camera in use by another application”. I let out far too loud a “What?! No it’s not! What does that mean?” Eddie looked frightened. Whilst I tried to sort it out, several others came and spoke to him, hugged him and shook his hand. Again, even more politely and apologetically, I said “Sorry Eddie, I’ve got it working, can we try again?”
He said yes again and I expected him to look irritated in the photo which did take this time, but no!
The Twat In The Hat could not hide her delight at standing next to her hero.

What a diamond. I don’t even mind that I look hilarious.
That’s one more off the list. Would have quite liked to tell him about the Achilles thing but alas, he had to head to Cardiff and I didn’t want other people to not have a chance to speak to him, so  said, “Come back soon, Eddie!” and left as he said, “Okay, I’ll try.”

I walked home. I was a bit too excited, so didn’t know what music to listen to or care, but put shuffle on. LCD Soundsystem. So I stuck with them. I ended up walking home in thirty minutes when it usually takes around an hour. Excitement! Adrenaline! Izzard! I planned on watching lots of his dvds when eventually arriving home, but instead I ended up speaking to dad into the wee small hours and just went to bed.

I am still very excited.

On Thursday, I wandered around town, ended up being passive-aggresive via text and then meeting Baz to continue my wanderings but with company. We met up again later, bought some gin and sauntered to Rory’s house, where, again he had bought fireworks. We feared for our lives, but only ended up with a near death experience, once! Hurrah! One of the fireworks was supposed to explode in the sky, but was stuck too deeply into the ground and so exploded in the garden. Terrifying, but if it didn’t happen, we’d worry…
Bazzles, Amber, John and myself  left quite early. John was very drunk. I’m glad he never actually attempted to light a cigarette off of a firework and instead stuck to doing it from a sparkler.

The last line in my dream before I was awoken at 7.40am was “I broke a mirror. Let the bad luck start now…” It was appropriate. Unlucky to be up at such a miserable hour. But it was for a good cause! We set off to the train station to catch ours to Edinburgh. It turned into a bus…
The journey was alright though. I don’t mind buses. As you may know, I only hate them if they last more than twelve hours and claim to be “MEGA!!!”
We met up with my dear sister and then Clara and quickly had some food before heading off to Caroline Castigliano to try on wedding dresses. Immediately, I noticed Chaka Khan’s ‘I’m Every Woman’ (not to be confused with Barack Obama’s version) was being played. “How appropriate! I bet they have some kind of YOU GO GIRL!!! playlist.” How wrong I was. It was just that one song. On repeat. For the whole time we were there.
Other than that, though, it was funtimes. Morven tried on quite a few dresses and looked looovely in every single one, but was torn between one that was quite floaty and another that was very vintage-looking and lacy. The delightful laydeez who worked their wrote up the details of the lacy one for her and sent us on our way. Then we saw the price of it and deflated a bit. Yikes. It wasn’t that nice anyway… [insert fist bite here]
We went for cake at Kilimanjaro again. Yes, actual Kilimanjaro, not just a coffee shop called Kilimanjaro. Then we went back to the dress shop we’d gone to a few months ago for another appointment.
The sister tried on a few more dresses, including a huuuge one that we all were in awe of, but it wasn’t right. Then she tried on the one she really loved last time and we had a winner. Floaty AND lacy! She looked wonderful too. But veil? No veil? Who knows!
The deposit for it was made and we left with high spirits and went to find father for some food.

A successful day! Hooray! And it wasn’t stressful at all.
Again, it felt like we’d barely arrived before we had to leave, but we got to the station and got on an actual train! To Dundee… but a train nonetheless! Fortunately, there was another to Aberdeen at Dundee, so we didn’t have to catch another bus.

This has been long and far-too-detailed and probably full of typos, but I cannot be bothered to back and check at the moment. For now, I’ll leave you with something spectacular I first saw last night. Not strictly ethical, but a must-see. I found myself pretty emotionally-attached to the goat by the end…
Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I give to you, A Monkey Riding A Goat On A Tightrope. Watch right to the end…
G’night!

Omnishambles

November 2, 2009

COMMENCE BORING, FAR-TOO-DETAILED SUMMARY OF THE WEEK!!!

Picking up where we left off, Question Time was hilarious. But that was SO two weeks ago, so eff that ess, girlfriend. I don’t remember what I did the day after. It was a Friday. I’m going to guess I planned my day around Peep Show (which wouldn’t be hard to do as it wasn’t on until 10pm).

Saturday saw the return of the closest tv show to perfection of recent year (okay, it shares that title with Peep Show. Peep Show. Peep Show… PS: Peep Show) – The Thick Of It. And it was on BBC2! GASP! It was, as predicted, very very very very good. I love Peter Capaldi hard. There is much much more to him than being the king of creative-swearing, but have Tucker’s Law anyway as it beautiful… (But don’t play it, if you are offended by the use of various f and c-bombs.)

If someone would like to embroider that onto a tea towel for me, that’d probably be the greatest christmas present I have ever and will ever receive. Jus’ sayin’…

Two days later, I was coerced into seeing Michael McIntyre at the AECC. I’ve always had a confused view on this man. My first encounter of him was (I think) when he was on Mock the Week or something. He seemed very stupid and sometimes stupidity offends me, but usually only if it comes from posh men who think they’re funny. For some reason, though, I nearly ended up seeing him in Edinburgh last year. I suppose I must have deemed him ‘passable’ by this point. My mother received his dvd as a christmas present last year and after I’d watched everything I owned and had become increasingly bored, I ended up watching it. At the time, I was ashamed to say I laughed. Lots. It was hard not to, he’s like a drunk child. By this point, I had decided that he was ‘okay’. This was the most I was willing to admit to to anybody who wasn’t a close friend or a family member.
Anyway, the gig on Monday was peculiar. The only comedy I believe I’ve ever seen at the AECC was the Mighty Boosh, so I didn’t really know what to expect. We had good seats though and there was a massive screen behind him for those who didn’t have such a good view. He was very funny and exceedingly amiable. It’s just nice to see a stand-up enjoying themself so much onstage. But I imagine anyone would if they were raking in the cash-dollars as much as he must be.

An exciting week for cinema-ing too. On Wednesday, Bazzles, Biggle, Amb…les and myself inexplicably decided to go see Michael Jackson’s This Is It, which I keep calling Is This It by mistake. It was two freaking hours long… but nice to have a sing-song in the dark, I guess. Never been much of a fan, but the show looked like it was going to be extravagant theatrical piece of genius, so it’s quite irritating that he died. Bah!
We also went to see Fantastic Mr Fox. I had no intention of going to see this as it just seemed all weird to me. Wes Anderson? Foxy not being an English dandy? Wrong, wrong, wrong. But I went along anyway and found myself enjoying it. GASP #2! And I’d forgotten Jarvis was in it, so that was good. Nice soundtrack and by the end, even Clooney/Mr Fox’s annoying little whistle and click wasn’t making me angry. I left feeling… positive. What’s wrong with me?

On Thursday, I ended up working Janet’s shift as she’d covered for me on Monday. I decided that before going in at 5, I’d quickly check out the new shopping centre that had just opened, Union Square. Holy eff. It was huge. I was not expecting that. I didn’t go into any of the shops as it was packed, but I had a wander round for about 10 minutes, got bored and headed to work early. I struggled to get a bus afterwards. I hate First Bus. Forever and ever with all my heart.

Friday was the most Halloween-y I’ve ever been. I’ve hated this fake-holiday since I was little. I was a Scrooge-child. I would go out, but I’d never enjoy it. The strangers round here didn’t ever have good sweets. And they did genuinely want to give me sweets as opposed to wanting to kidnap me. Poor show. Last year, things started to look up. In fact, on this very blog, I wrote “Now don’t get me wrong, I’m opposed to this day as much as any sane person, but being allowed to legally drink has brightened it up a bit.”
I think this also comes from a fondness of zombie-films and classic horrors. New horror films seem to be mainly psychological balls. Give me a zombie or a werewolf anyday.
Anyhoo, yes. I’d noticed that An American Werewolf In London was showing at the new Cineworld at Union Square at 11.20pm, so decided to buy tickets. I went to get them quite early in case they sold out (this turned out to be pointless as it was terrible weather, so hardly anybody turned up). I was waiting for a bus from 4.20 until around 4.50 and when I eventually got onto one, I just read a book. I didn’t realise that soon I was the only person left on the bus, until the driver asked where it was I was going. “Uhh… Bridge Street?” I replied. He said, “Oh, good, I can take a shortcut.” I feared for my life.
In the end, he didn’t take any shortcuts, but instead turned on the ‘Sorry, Not In Service’ sign. It was quite exciting. I got into town at 5.20 and had bought our tickets by 5.30, then got on a bus home at 5.40. Amazing. Twenty minutes in town.

Baz came round to mine for a chinese and we watched the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre which always seems much funnier when you watch it with someone else. I also realised that Eddie Argos looks like a much skinnier, not-at-all annoying version of Franklin…

We also watched Shaun of the Dead and then Supernanny (terrifying) while we waited to hear from Amber to see if she was planning on accompanying us to the cinema. We hadn’t heard from her by around 10.30, so presumed she wasn’t coming and caught a bus in the pishing rain. The centre was pretty deserted, but I guess that’s to be expected at 11pm.
The trailers started and while it attempted to play the new one for Wolfman, the screen froze and the sound jumped which made for funny stills. As this was happening, I was convinced that the people in the projection room were being mauled by zombies and that there was some sort of apocalypse happening outside.
Some staff came in and apologised and said they were going to reset. We saw the trailers again, then the Wolfman one came on and got further than it had the first time, then froze again.

More staff came in, said that it was clearly just that one trailer that was messing up, so were just going to play the film. I’d forgotten how excellent An American Werewolf In London is and it’s even better on a big screen. It went without a hitch… until the very last scene when the sound went completely, but the film kept playing. Everyone was giggling in a very British “Hooray for things going wrong!” way and the guys behind us provided their own voiceovers which consisted mainly of…
“David… is… is that you?”
“Raaaaaawr! Yes! I’m a werewolf!”
Very funny. Most definitely one of the strangest cinematic experiences I’ve ever had. We ended up getting free tickets to any other film. I plan on taking my mother out to see something soon.
We caught a taxi and got home at around 2.30am. An enjoyable eve.
Incidentally, I did eventually get to see the trailer that kept effing up. Here you go…

Did that crash your computer? DID IT?! (It didn’t crash mine. Sad times, I thought it might genuinely be cursed.)

Saturday was dull. I spent most of it tired and ill. I didn’t go out, my phone broke and we had no tiny children at our door demanding sweets. I’m pretty sure we haven’t had for the past three years or so. Time to give up the dream of being a child-catcher and become a writer instead. Although this blog has been so poorly written that perhaps I should give up that dream too.

Yesterday was Sunday. I woke up feeling like death, but went to work like a good’un. It dragged due to feeling fluey. I’ve had a few times over the past few weeks where I’ve felt like you do when you’ve got flu starting without it actually developing into anything. Infuriating. I got home, went to bed in the hope that I could go out if I felt better, but ended up still feeling shit so stayed home. I ended up being sick at around 10.30 and definitely thinking I had Swine Flu. Woke up today and felt much the same, but took some Benilyn and watched four episodes of Adam and Joe Go Tokyo in bed and am now feeling a little better. Again, I’m going to go to work. I am such an effing trooper, buy me things.

Another thing you should definitely do is check out a new comic called The Abortion by my lovely lovely friend Jamie (or Jamie Jamie: the artist formerly known as Big Jamie on this here blog).
cover-copy1
Seriously, check out the blog and order yourself a copy. But remember, it’s FOR ADULTS ONLY! No, Little Timmy, no! Oh, go on then, you scamp, you need to learn about walking abortions sometime…

Until next time: take care and watch out for zombies.

Sir, I’ve a good mind to take you outside

October 3, 2009

I nearly got hit by a car tonight.

It is as dramatic as I’d like to make out but also entirely my fault. This is in no way a plea for sympathy, I’m just writing it down so that I remember. I panicked upon seeing my bus coming and ran out in front of it. All of a sudden it was right by my side, in fact I felt it as the driver did an emergency stop, everything went slow, I said “SHIT!” and then made the decision to stop looking at it and continue running across the road, all the while shouting, “That was not clever. That was not a good idea.”
Like I say, entirely my own fault. I felt very very guilty for the driver. I know the feeling of being in a car when someone’s had to break suddenly for some prick who has run out in front of them. I did not like the idea of inevitably being the subject of the driver’s rage that evening.

It turned out it wasn’t even my bus that had arrived. I was strangely calm and felt it was just the adrenaline shot I needed. I knew that later on, I’d freak out.
I went to the Globe where my dad’s band were playing.
My sister arrived and I told her and it hit me, so had a tiny freak-out while Paul sang ‘Losing My Religion’. I didn’t actually get hit but there is no god.

I’m good now though. The past few weeks have been a blur of podcasts and work. Podcasts I enjoy that you may also like include Robin Ince’s Show and Tell/Utter Shambles, Collings and Herrin, Paul Foot and Adam and Joe.
Many lovely people on Twitter have been suggesting more for me to listen to. Garry has recommended ‘Little Atoms‘. I’m excited to get listening as it seems right up my metaphorical alley.
I would like to learn more about science. Everytime I listen to lots of what Robin Ince says I get inspired to do so. I’m going to buy some Carl Sagan and Richard Feynman books and get properly educated. I am starting here due to Ince’s science talks in Edinburgh being called ‘Carl Sagan Is My God, Oh And Richard Feynman Too’. I am simplistic, but eager for knowledge.
There is only so much I can learn from Histor and Pliny…

I am an architect with only one regret

September 3, 2009

FringeBlog #2! GO!
(Predictions: Slow start, gradual promising pick-up, inevitable sharp decline.)

I woke up rather early indeed last Tuesday morning. My father had offered me a lift into town the night before, so we left at around 8am. I awoke for the sixth morning in a row with a hideous headache causing me to feel sick, so took some drugs and hoped it’d go away. After being dropped off, I did the only logical thing someone who is an hour early for their bus does and planned an elongated route to the bus station which would involve going through all numbers of deserted areas in case I needed to throw up. Hooray! This didn’t happen in the end, but I did have a rather nice walk around places I’ve not been for a while as I listened to Adam and Joe’s final Song Wars Podcasts. The fresh air seemed to have done me good and I felt fine. This is vital information for a blog. Just as staying silent and waving at a microphone is great for radio.

The bus journey got off to a good start. As I had been there ridiculously early, I was one of the first people to climb aboard (it was not a ship) and grabbed the lovely leg-room seat. An old woman talking to herself made her way to the back pondering why there was not as much leg-room as there used to be. Me, being a gent (but female equivalent… a lady, I believe) offered her my lovely leg-room seat. She said that it was very kind of me and I moved. Karma-points! I was excited by what I could spend them on when I arrived in Edinburgh.
We reached our destination and I realised I didn’t have change to use the lavatory at the station, so I did the thing any sane person would and snuck into Burger King to use their bathroom. Only, as I dried my hands, I noticed a sign that said “It’s wrong to sneak in here to use the loo…” 
I think this was minus-Karma-points. Ah, easy come, easy go!

I met up with my glorious sister and heard all about her (birth)day so far. We walked to the Fruitmarket where I showed her the cake I’d made her, then we went for a walk to Falko, the Konditormeister, which is a fun word to say. I’ve known this since the days of studying German at die Schule. As soon as we approached the building, Morven remembered that it wasn’t actually open on Tuesdays. Still, the walk was nice! We compensated by going to another cafe, but it was apparently an anti-climax. Before we knew it, it was around 3.30pm so we rushed to catch a bus to the Stand to see Simon Munnery’s AGM ‘09. We sat on the top deck (it was not a ship) of the bus and were chatting away casually, as is our right, until we heard a woman downstairs shouting “Satan! Blood! Satan! Fuck god!”
Conversation ceased as we grinned at each other and stayed silent. It seemed to be whenever the bus slowed down, coming up to a bus stop that she’d shout incoherently to herself, but soon it ended and we figured she must have alighted. Disappointing as we never got to see her face. I imagine she would have been a larger lady, wearing purple robes with straggly red hair…

Soon we got to the Stand and found a few free seats at the front of the stage. A man came onstage and sat behind the drums. This man was Mac. Then Mr Munnery came on and the Annual General Meeting of 2009 commenced.


This is where my non-existent reviewing skillz begin to show as it’s only been just over a week and I can’t remember much of this. I do recall mentions of the Archers, children, spoons and a Supermarket Opera. It is very clear to see Munnery’s loyalties lie with Sainsbury’s as he used the sword of Bargains to try and slay his rival Tesco. Nobody counted on Asda turning up though! Bastards!
At the short interval, he instructed everyone to put motions into his bucket. I didn’t know what to write so ended up going for what I knew, “A woman on our bus on the way here shouted ‘SATAN! BLOOD! SATAN!’. I think she was right.”
He only got about two motions read out, but we followed him to Lord Bodos, the pub across the road, after the gig to continue the meeting. On the way there a man asked me if he’d met me at a poetry night. I told him probably not and he continued to walk to the pub. Here, we all picked motions from the bucket and read them out. The two I’d to read were “Trains should be free, but you should have to pay to get off. Discuss.” and “If artichokes have hearts, can they feel love? Is it wrong to love an artichoke?”
My dear sister read, “Peanut butter” and “Simon Munnery: True or false?”
Much discussion was had and a lorra lorra laughs. Sir Munnery sang a song about supermarkets (“Insane insane insainsburys… Oh no, Tesco!… Go to Lidl for a piddle…”) and did impressions of Bruce Springsteen. He didn’t think much of him at Glastonbury despite enjoying his music before. During this time, Matthew turned up to collect Morven to take her out for a meal. He waited patiently.
Eventually, a guy in a Virgilio Anderson tshirt read out my motion. Munnery took it from him, read it over and we discussed the Satan-lady. I told him it was all true and he seemed amused. He also laughed at “I think she was right.” This made me proud as it was originally going to say “I had to agree with her…” which may not have been as funny. Morven stood and Munnery asked if she was leaving. She told him that Matthew was taking her out for birthday tea and this prompted the ringmaster to lead us in a rendition of Happy Birthday. It was very sweet. They left, I stayed and heard about Mac pissing himself. He’d left by this point, so the story was allowed to be told. Once all the motions were read out, everyone began to leave. I stuck around to tell the Munnery that I’d enjoyed the gig a lot. He gave me one of his few handwritten flyers for a week of free gigs he was putting on at Fingers Piano Bar, I told him I’d try put in an appearance on Thursday and he shook my hand.

By this point, it was around 7pm and I decided to walk to one of the Underbellys (underbellies?) and see Paul Foot. I bought a ticket and sat in the bar reading about Parmenides of Elea in my bumper book of philosophy phun, waiting for the five minute call. That came and I made my way into the room the gig was in.


For the second time in a day, I was in the front row. We weren’t waiting long and Mr Foot came on, acknowledged a stool that was on the stage (the kind you sit on, you ghastly beasts) and continued to tell us about four main subjects including loneliness and dollies in Bed and Breakfasts. He was really rather lively and energetic and spoke to various audience members. I think he frightened some, but it was very amusing for the rest of us. After the show, I returned my glass to the bar, used the bathroom and then made my way out of the venue. On the way out, I saw the wonderful Mr Foot standing outside the room he’d just performed in. I managed to grab him before he left, told him I’d enjoyed the show and his fantastic shoes. Paul Foot has tiny ladies feet, apparently. Size 6 I believe.  He asked if I’d ever seen him live before and I said that I hadn’t, but I’d been  looking out for him since that ‘FAQ U’ show was on Channel4 a few years back. Apparently he’s played in Aberdeen since then, at the Blue Lamp. This confused me. They usually just have on jazz bands. I have since investigated. What in Jeeves’ name was I doing last August on that day? Perhaps this blog will tell me… (Just checked. I’m like some sort of futuristic blog-detective. Apparently, the day before the gig I watched the Happy Days where the Fonz jumps the shark and the day after the gig I was at work and enjoyed it ‘cos “it felt like a pub” - WHIT?!)
Anyway, I believe he should return and we should sit and drink gin. He should also probably bring Trevor Lock with him.

I left and walked in the direction of the Royal Mile. I met up with Morven and Matthew and we walked to the Pleasance Courtyard where we sat with Steve and Clara. A man who worked for the Pleasance came up to our table and offered us free tickets for Brendan Burns. I was due to go see the DO’D that night and am really not a fan of Burns anyway, so politely declined, but the rest of the happy gang accepted as it was free. Apparently he’d sold out the weekend that had just passed, but tickets for that night’s show hadn’t sold very well. At around 10.10pm I made my way to the venue Over The Road for Mr David O’Doherty. I stood alone in the queue and shivered as it began to rain lightly. Luckily, we weren’t kept waiting long and we entered the venue which happened to be a church… with a bar in it… The set-up of the seating was strange. There were three rows of stools (the kind you sit on, you ghastly beasts) and behind them, a wide space and some tiered seating. Nobody seemed to be sitting on the stools and by this point, I didn’t mind sitting in the front row as I knew the DO’D didn’t tend to pick on people and also I’d had a few drinks, therefore was more confident… but not confident enough to be the only person to sit on a stool, so I sat on the front row of the tiered seats. As the place and spaces to my left filled, the one seat right next to me remained free. A guy with glasses came over and asked if he could sit there. I said “Of course!” and he proceeded to say he’d not seen any reviews of the O’D so didn’t know what to expect. I told him I’d seen him live twice before and he was one of the best I’d witnessed, so he seemed excited. We watched as some people finally sat on the stools, but on the third row of them (which I’d count as the second row as the actual front row acted as a continuation of the stage. Too close to the stage to sit on, no leg room, you know…) We both agreed to join them on that row. From there, we giggled and jumped to the second row (the first row, though, I guess) as by this point, we’d acquired a new member of our exclusive comedy club. I’d gone alone and ended up sitting in between two lovely boys who spoke about comedy and the good things they’d seen with enthusiasm. This is what it’s all about! Strangers! Stranger Danger? No! Stranger Hurray…nger!
This is all very well and good, but what was the time?
It was David O’Doherty time.


I don’t know anyone who could possibly dislike this man. I remember when I met him last year he was unbelievably friendly and chatty and lovely. He even accepted half a block of tablet from a stranger and looked delighted about it. I think the man onstage is the man offstage and it’s not often you can say that these days. I have no idea what I could possibly say in this little bit of internet that could do him any justice, but I was grinning like a twat all the way through and I could feel that the two guys next to me had fallen in love with him by the end… I couldn’t physically feel it, by the way. I don’t think that sort of behaviour is socially acceptable.
He didn’t do as many songs as usual, but the stories made up for this… and the fact that he flashed his chest to spite the one woman who had her view blocked by a pillar, which made me laugh a great deal.
All in all: Ace. Would recommend to a friend. Have been recommending to friends for nearly two years now. Is anyone listening?

I sauntered back to the Courtyard where I found Morven, Matthew, Clara and Steve and also a poster advertising one We Are Klang show that was occurin’ the next day. I immediately sent Steve a message to see if the rumours were true and we contentedly got in a taxi back to Leith (of Sunshine On…) where we all went to bed.

I awoke to some peculiar text messages and watched a bit of tv with the sister before heading off into town. We were gonna go to Falko (Konditormeister) again and hopefully be lucky enough for it to be open this time. But first, we went to see our friend Charlie’s improv group, Blind Mirth, at the Voodoo Rooms. They were really very good, despite the fact that their numbers have apparently dropped in the last few weeks.
I feel they will all do very well. Footlights? Pfft! It’s all about the ‘Mirth!

We went to the Doric for some food then made our way to Falko whilst hysterically discussing Histor and Pliny. It was open! I went up to order Morven a ginger beer and me some cake. There was no ginger beer. This led to much confusion and amusement. When asked if that was all, the guy at the counter looked puzzled as to why there were two of us but only one cake and one drink. I said I couldn’t afford a drink. When our order arrived at the table, there was an extra cup of coffee and it turned out the guy had given me it for free, which was very sweet. Although I’d not had any caffeine for days, it’d be rude to turn it down so I drank it and told myself the caffeine-diet would resume the next day. Morven had promised that this would be the greatest cake I’d ever taste and she wasn’t too far off… Enough was enough and she ordered one too. We decided to walk a bit afterwards to work off the massive Kuchen we’d just consumed. Day-um it was good. We returned triumphant to the flat and sat around watching crap tv for a while. Before I knew it, it was time for me to head out and see Kristen Schaal and Kurt Braunohler. I paid £14 for a ticket and knew I’d be seeing them the next day for free. Doh… But still, I was looking forward to it.

I escaped the evil seagulls of Leith and hopped on a bus and made a very important phonecall* (*may not be true). I got off the bus and tried to figure out which would be the best way to the Mound whilst still on the phone. I walked up to some steps and spotted none other than Trevor Lock, who I’d already met twice on my last jaunt to this city. I said a quick, “I’ll call you back…” down the phone and made my way towards ol’ Trev only so I could say the following phrase, “Trevor Lock, could you please stop stalking me?” I did and was met with “Hey, it’s you!” I was probably keeping him from doing something important, but started a conversation anyway which was mundane on my part. Sorry, Trev!
“It’s Kirsten, right? Have you met Alfie?” He asked, introducing me to the man he was with. This man turned out to be Alfie Brown, a comedian Trev told me to go and see. I found out he was playing at the Tron and, if you’ll have read the previous blog this will make more sense, asked if he knew of a guy also at the Tron who did a poem called ‘Synonym’. Joe Lycett apparently. So that was exciting. I decided it was probably best to let them get on with what they were doing, wished Trev well with the rest of the Fringe and continued on my way to see Kristen and Kurt.

I saw a queue outside the Assembly and joined it. Error number one. I was in my happy little world with my headphones in when at 9.50pm the queue started moving and our tickets were looked at. I was informed that I was in the wrong queue and should go up some stairs to Rainy Hall. When I got there I was told I’d need to join a queue outside. When I said I had already done that, someone else came and solved confusion by telling my to join the queue outside and across the street. That was strange. The queue I ended up in was at the other side of the road from the venue against some railings and nothing else. Odd system. I was fine though, not pissed off like you’d expect to feel. I was loving the world, but was oddly depressed at the same time. Strange, it was.
Soon our queue began to move and we were led back into the courtyard where I’d just come from and up the stairs to Rainy Hall again. Doh. I chose a seat a few rows back and awaited the magic…


They came out to tremendous applause and I immediately wanted to hug Kristen hard. The whole atmosphere was strange and it was like being at a party where a brother and sister who are slightly uncomfortably close and are slowly getting more and more drunk so you don’t know what’s going to happen. They pitched tv ideas and handed out giant party poppers to three audience members who were supposed to let them off when they enjoyed a joke. At one point there was a noise from outside, probably to do with the Tattoo and the pair hid behind the curtains and said “Get ready to start rationing!” then one of the poppers was popped. They enjoyed it, it was a beautiful moment. That guy had good timing and was praised for it.
Everyone left the room bemused, but giggling and when I got outside I wandered around for a bit in the vain hope that I might run into Ryan or someone I knew. It wasn’t so, so I went to catch a bus. I paid £1.20 for said bus to terminate round the corner from where I’d got on. I sighed, walked back the way I came and got a taxi instead. There’s a credit crunch on, y’know!
I made it back to the flat and went to bed.

I woke up at about 7am and was feeling inexplicably sad. That was until my dear sister gave me an early birthday present in the form of these beauties!
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Yep, y’heard… Jemaine and Bret hairclips. I’m excited to wear them on a right royal night out. But I’ll be careful with ‘em!

Schwest left for work and Matthew listened to his 80s playlist on Spotify. It was gold (Gold! Always believe in your soul…), he then left for work and I bid on a Lee and Herring video on ebay. I tracked down lovely Joe Lycett on Twitter and told him I’d come along to his gig that day. It started at 12.30, so I decided I’d go to it rather than Robin Ince’s science readings and then Book Club like I’d planned. I’d still go to the latter though. By the time I got into town and had a wander, I got to the Tron at 12.15, bought a ticket for the Lunchtime Club and some Pimm’s. I spilt my drink before I’d taken a sip and presumed it was a sign not to be drinking so early on in the day. Damn you, Jesus!
I managed to look busy and mop up the table in a subtle manner until it was time to head into the room where the gig was.


The gig was kicked off by David Morgan (filling in for Ally Sheedy in the picture with the glasses) who was full of energy and generally lovely. He was the compere extraordinaire (so it says on the flyer) and so took it upon himself to make friends with the audience. I think he claimed he had about three favourite women that day. Fickle, eh? Also, one of the guys from 4 Poofs And A Piano was in. So that was nice. Anyway, yes, he was very lovely and excited and built up a good atmosphere for Benjamin Partridge (Emilio Estevez – middle, right) who was apparently hungover. He told us the wonders of Greggs, however made the common error of presuming it had started up here in Scotchland when my pedantry forces me to point out it was first opened in Newcastle. Take that, Partridge! Only joking, he was very funny and spoke of holding his breath whilst going through tunnels during his childhood along with a mime of doing this.
Next up was the young man I’d met the night before with Trev, Alfie Brown (Judd Nelson). Firstly, the shallow part of me would like to admit that I enjoyed Alfie’s attire a lot and secondly, he was very good, well done, etc etc. I especially enjoyed the first part of his set where he came onstage clutching a book apparently about how to do stand-up and read from it self-referentially. It was original, I enjoyed it. The rest of the crowd seemed bemused after a while, but this was also mentioned in this part of the set.
Then came Joe Lycett (Molly Ringwald) who immediately pointed out how he doesn’t like the above picture as he looks like a giant baby who has just been dropped into a perfectly nice photograph. I laughed. It was good to see a full set from him after his very brief appearance at Bannermans two weeks before. I believe this guy may be one to watch out for, he’s ever-so charming. Also, apparently two nights previous he’d won the Chortle Student Comedian of the Year competition. Well deserved, ra ra ra.
The final comeejin to take to the stage was young Ivo Graham (I say young, but he’s the same age as me… ) who was very good indeed. He had a sweet, quite shy delivery, but told amusing anecdotes as you would hope. He went on to win So You Think You’re Funny that night and again, I’d say it was well deserved. Overall, good wee show. Well worth that fiver. Jump onboard the Five Pound Fringe and Free Fringe, there are some goo-ood people taking part in it all. Hopefully that’ll continue next year.

By the time the show ended it was 2pm, so I met up with Matthew as he was leaving work and handed him back his keys. I then went to grab some food and decided I would do so at an Eerie Pub as I’m collecting them. Slains is our local, I’ve enjoyed the London Stone a couple of times and now it was Jekyll and Hyde’s turn. Overall, disappointing, sadly. Felt a bit ill afterwards, but read more about philosophers then walked around a bit to make myself feel better. At 3.30pm I ended up back at Bannermans, very early for Robin Ince’s book club. I got me a drink and continued reading about philosophers while I sat on a barrel. As it neared 4.15, I wandered through to where the club was going to take place and found a seat.

bookclub
Martin White, Robin’s accordionist fantastisch, took to the stage.
[Incidentally, I know two accordion-related jokes. Neither echo my feelings of accordionists, but I appreciate the comedy anyway.
Accordion joke #1...
Q: What is the definition of a gentleman?
A: A man who knows how to play the accordion but never does.
Accordion joke #2...
Q: What's the difference between an accordion and some onions?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up an accordion.
Ahthankyou.]
Martin announced that Robin was running late, so he’d pretend to be him by wearing a cardigan and reading from books sarcastically. He borrowed a man in the second row’s cardigan and did just that. He then introduced the first act, who I believe was called Martin Crozier (please correct me if I’m wrong, I am an imbecile…) who read from an old book of baby names. He was really excellent.
Martin stood up again and continued impressions of Robin, then a voice came from the back of the room and Mr Ince moved towards the stage, “Martin, are you pretending to be me again? I made you, Martin, I made you! And I would never wear a cardigan with a hood, I’m much too old for that!” He apologised for being late and said he was due to do EIGHT shows that day. Nutter. He quickly skimmed through some amusing old books he picked up and introduced the next person to the stage.
This is going to be a terrible recollection of events (it already was, yes, I know…) as I can’t remember anybody’s name… Helen Arney was very sweet and Joe Lycett turned up too. Twice in one day!
The gig ended with Robin reading from one of many Giant Crabs Attacking The Welsh Coast books with full musical accompaniment. Harrowing. But ultimately hilarious. I finished my drink and went to leave but saw Robin at the door talking to someone. I loitered a bit and grabbed him quickly before he went to gather up all of his stuff from the stage. I told him I’d been bothering him on Twitter the previous week wanting to know details of all his shows, he apologised for late replies but said to continue pestering. He’s going to regret that. I asked if he was really doing eight shows that day and he told me that he was and on his way to Bannermans was worried that he might die… and be found with a bag full of books about giant crabs taking over the Welsh coast, I told him to stop working so hard. Then he looked pleasantly surprised when I gave him a few quid donation (god, yeah, I’m like Jesus…) and I told him to return to Aberdeen. I’m confident that he might and I never usually believe people when they say they’ll be back. Good old Robin. I got the impression that he would have liked to have stayed and chatted much more, but was in a rush. He seems genuinely interested in speaking to people. On his dvd, for instance, there’s an interview and it is said several times, ”We’ll wrap it up there then…” but he keeps talking and they keep recording. Aww… Go see this man live! Go to the Book Club! Go see him verbally fondle science on a stage! He’s brilliant.

I left the pub and meandered (no, I didn’t walk, I meandered) on. I think this sums up my life. I constantly meander… I apologise to you all for doing so. Ended up at the Gilded Balloon and decided I’d go see Bridget Christie. I bought a ticket but was an hour early so headed to the Library Bar where the gas on their soft drink tap wasn’t working. I had a glass of water, looked as though I was reading about philosophers and eavesdropped on a painfully middle-class group of friends’ conversation. With ten minutes before the gig was due to start I went down to the waiting room/holding pen/scum emporium where I grabbed the closest free seat. An eccentric man started talking to me. I think he may have been there because he was a Daily Mail reader and the title of the show is My Daily Mail Hell, but that’s not an accusation I want to throw around, so I’ll just stick with ‘eccentric’. One of the Gilded Balloon staff came out of the doors leading to the stage on my left and told us to form a queue. Despite not being there early, I’d ended up at the front. We were then told that Bridget likes the front row to be filled and if you were at the start of the queue, you would definitely be in that row. At this point, one of the two people in front of me exclaimed “Oh, god no!” and moved to the back. I glanced over to my right, the direction she had just shot off towards. My attention was caught by a figure two metres away in a rain-jacket who had his head down, looking at his phone but was also listening to the woman next to him. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew who this was. I froze completely. He looked up, spoke to the woman, she said goodbye to him and joined the end of the queue and he put his phone away, stood for a second looking blankly like he’d forgotten where he was and then moved towards the door. As he hovered in the doorway with his back to me in his little Berghaus anorak, I shook myself out of my stunned state and knew I had to walk over and shake this man’s hand or I’d regret it for a long time. My knees moved but my feet didn’t. He’d already started to walk away and within seconds he was gone. I did not say hello to Stewart Lee.
I didn’t have much time to kick myself repeatedly for not confronting him and being a sycophant as we were ushered into the room and the show began immediately, but it was the perfect distraction.


So, yes, the show started as soon as everyone sat down. I was in the front row as I’d been told I would which meant I got a good view of the props. A desk, a chair, a mug, a notebook, a Jack Vettriano painting. Bridget came out in a bowler hat and a tail-coat and wowed us with our movements. She started off by telling us that she used to work for the Daily Mail doing their admin and making tea for racists. She acted out how she used to get through doors with racist tea, which looked very difficult. Kudos, Christie! Then she continued to tell us stories of interviews she’d done with celebrities. The eccentric man who’d previously been in the holding pen with me was in the front row too and acted in a peculiar fashion. I’m not sure if he’d ever been to a comedy show before as he treated it a bit like a conversation. But by jove, he knew about Anthony Andrews! (I’ve just realised that I’m doing myself no favours here by mentioning Anthony Andrews as I wrote a blog about Brideshead Revisited over a year ago and to this day the majority of people who are led here, and inevitably become disappointed, do so due to searching for either ‘Anthony Andrews’ or ‘Jeremy Irons’ on Google.)
The show passed far too quickly for my liking, as have all my other Fringe Highlights and it was coming to an end. It had been a strange but excellent one. The crowd were very outspoken, but not in a heckly way, they were just opinionated on the people Bridget had interviewed (mainly John Cleese and Jack Vettriano; two people who one woman had shouted “KNOB!” about). Another man had been at the book signing that Ms Christie had been at where she was strangled by Gene Wilder. This proved to be very funny, especially as while they were getting quite into talking to each other, she, forgetting she was telling us all a story asked him “So what happened?” and he replied, “Well… I’ll let you tell…” Made me laugh anyway.
She is really bloody lovely and hilarious. I now don’t know who I’m more jealous of, her or StewLee.

I had over an hour to kill after the gig so again ambled around and decided to go to Fingers Piano Bar for Simon Munnery’s Free Funnery early. It was already pretty busy even though it wasn’t due to start for an hour. I assumed that everyone was there for the man who was currently onstage reading from his book. About fishermen. He swore a lot. I was confused. It turned out the majority of people were there early for the same reason I was as nobody left when the fisherman did. Morven turned up and introduced me to her friend. Moments later Clara appeared, followed by Charlie and later Matthew and his mother. Charlie made a faux-pas to a comedian as she walked past them apparently.
We were sat right by the door, so saw Munnery turn up moments before 9pm. Also, Kristen and Kurt snuck in and I got a bit excited, but knew they’d probably have to do their set and then leave to get to their gig at the Assembly.

rockthejazzbar
The first thing Munnery spoke about when he got onto the stage, again was supermarkets. He made up another song about his love of Sainsburys and everyone loved him. Truly a hero. He introduced Kristen and Kurt who, again, were very funny and sweet and surprisingly, did no material from their actual show. They acted out a scene as Pocahontas and John Smith which was filthy but hilarious. I think they can get away with saying things that they did because they’re so darned cute. After they finished up, they walked past us again smiling. I resisted doing a hug attack upon ‘em.
Next up was Hannah Gadsby who was the comedian Charlie had run into earlier. Apparently she said to her, “OH! I know you! You’re a comedian! …I can’t remember your name though…” or something along those lines and Hannah didn’t look impressed. Although why would she? It wasn’t particularly impressive. Anyway, she was very dry. I was going to say “and very funny” but I’ve said that far too many times over the last 5658 words. Maybe I should just list all the people who were there, all of whom I found enjoyable and were good at their jobs: Jeff Kreisler, Chloe Philip and Phil Kay.
It was good to see Phil live again. He was just as energetic and… I’m not sure how else to describe him, as ever. He started to destroy the stage a bit, to the enjoyment of everyone in the room, including the bar staff who originally looked concerned. Munnery closed the show and said there’d be a bucket for donations at the end. Phil Kay took it upon himself to go around with it and force people to put some money in. He was actually very sweet. I was expecting a more mentally-ill version of Bob Geldof, but he looked chuffed whenever anyone put any money in. Bless ‘im.

We all went outside into the harsh, cold night and Clara kindly offered me a place to stay round her’s. I said goodbye to Morven, Matthew and Sally and Steve took us back to Clara and Charlie’s. They took very good care of me, lovely people and I set up camp in their music/Beatles memorabilia preservation room. I was alone with my thoughts and started to feel a bit sad that the fringe was drawing to a close. I also took this time to be pissed off with myself for not speaking to StewLee. I’m still slightly annoyed, but not so much. I may have to force Pete to wait behind with me after his glorious return to Aberdeen in November, a gig I cannot wait for. I fell asleep in a bad mood and woke up melancholy one. I didn’t want to wake up Charlie but also needed to get into town, so I left a note and exited their beautiful house. I was impressed at my ability to find my way to a bus stop and get to the Royal Mile. By this point it was around 10.30am and the city centre was eerily quiet and depressing. A sure sign that the fringe was almost over. I bought Keri a birthday present and sadly did one final amble around the hotspots in search of something to do. I found nothing and headed to the bus station, telling myself to write something for next year. It would be nice, but I am so very uninspired.

This has been a dreadful blog and I, once more, salute you if you made it through the whole thing. I blame the poor writing of this particular entry on the fact that I couldn’t start it when I got home as I wanted to see Keri on her birthday and did so, then on the Saturday I felt all gloomy and de-motivated. By the time I did feel in the mood to write, it was Sunday morning and I had to head to work. Basically, I’ve been writing it during varying levels of motivation and that inconsistency comes across. I’m sorry, I still love you, I’m very tired, the next one will be better.