Archive for January, 2010

Death Before Dishonor [34/100]

January 3, 2010

This book defies all logic. It may well be my new favourite thing.

About a year ago, I saw this in our fiction section under ‘F’ for ‘Mr Fifty Cents’, read the blurb and destroyed myself laughing. For your pleasure…
“ONE REASON TO LIVE. THREE REASONS TO DIE.
Trill Johnson has five years of jail time under his belt, two women trying to get inside his pants, and one mission in his heart of hearts: Get the suckers who sold him out. And get ’em good.
Sunni James will do anything for Trill. Lie, cheat, steal. Even risk losing her successful beauty salon to save him from the mean streets of Richmond.
Previous Pay will do anything for Trill, too. She cribbed his kid while he did his time, so now she wants Trill to pay for the leg she lost in a robbery gone wrong.”

Hey, that shit sounds just like the Wire!

I’d forgotten all about it, somehow, until I stumbled upon it again in our crime section (now under ‘C’ for ‘Cent’, very sensible, or centsible, if you will) just a few weeks ago. Every page I flicked to brought about a new, hilarious extract that I could read out to m’colleagues.
On the outskirts of Richmond, inside the house in Caroline County, four guys and two broads were entertaining themselves. Lee, one of Diego’s lieutenants, was in the bedroom laying pipe to some hoochie momma he had picked up at the club.

Just then Beatrice, one of the stylists that Sunni had fired earlier that day, entered her office.

‘What is it?’ Sunni snapped, wondering why Beatrice was back up in her shop.

Trill was wearing a simple well-tailored black suit that complemented his sexy frame.”

We all thought these and… pretty much every other sentence in the book, were hilarious, but it wasn’t until I came across chapter five that I cried with laughter.
Now, it may shock you to learn that this book was not written by 50 Cent alone, but mainly by a woman called Nikki Turner. I had no clue who Nikki Turner was until this point, but then I read the following well-written piece…

The city was fienin’ for a huge event, and the town’s internationally bestselling author Nikki Turner, blessed the city of Richmond with a series of activities celebrating the launch of her latest masterpiece, Forever A Hustler’s Wife. She wanted to raise money for the G-Unity charity, so she played off the theme of her street life books and decided to have a “diamonds and furs” party to raise money to help increase literacy and advertise her new book at the same time.

The author made sure there were a limited amount of tickets available, which created an even bigger buzz for the event. People always wanted what they couldn’t have.
The crowd came in sellout numbers. Lloyd Banks from G-Unit was one of the MCs. Olivia from G-Unit hosted along with radio personalities Mahogany Brown and Wendy Williams.


Although many limelight celebrities came out and showed love and unity for the author and her cause, her hometown big hats, fans and ghetto celebrities didn’t disappoint.

Hell’s horses, Nikki! Way to completely demolish that fourth wall. I think this was the moment I truly fell in love with this book. So much detail, so much self-love. Astounding.
…She’s trying to increase literacy!

We got a bit obsessed with her and tried to find out more information.

Upon reflection, I feel such a fool for not knowing that I was reading the work of the, possibly self-professed, Queen of Hip-Hop Fiction.
I thought the book said she was an international bestseller though? You’d think at least one website would mention that… The amateurs!
Learn more about her at nikkiturner.com.

While you’re at it, why not read some reviews of the book?
Here are some of my favourites…

NIKKI TURNER AND 50CENT REALLY DID AN EXCELLENT JOB WITH THIS MASTERPEICE. THIS BOOK IS FAST PACED BUT YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH THE STORY LINES USING YOUR IMAGINATION WHEN THE STORY DOESNT ELABORATE ON THE CHARACTERS HISTORY. THATS THE BEST PART ABOUT NIKKI.* SHE BRINGS TO LIFE SUNNI JAMES, TRILL JOHNSON, AND PRECIOUS PAY AND I AM ABLE TO RELATE TO THE ENTIRE CASE SENARIO. THE RUNNING FROM THE COPS IN THE WOODS, SUNNI OPENING HER DOOR TO HIM,”A FEARLESS RIDE OR DIE CHICK”. IF YOU UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT NIKKI TURNER, YOU WILL KNOW THAT HER WORK HAS ALWAYS BEEN ON THE CUTTING EDGE OF REALISM AND STAYING TRUE TO THE FICTUAL FACTS OF HIPHOPHOODISM**. THANK YOU 50CENT FOR EMBRACING HER GIFT AND BEING DOWN FOR HER VISION THAT WE MAY TAKE THIS BOOK THING TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL.
*You’ve got to admire that in an author; the inability to tell a story. Let the readers make it all up in their heads, that’s what makes a good book!
**I have no idea what this means.

Okay this book was actually pretty good in the beginning considering that it was writted by a looser like 50 cent. But the ending made you say WTF? I was so pissed that I wasted my time reading this book all because of the ending. Because the ending sucked so badly I would never buy a book from 50 cents series. Thank goodness this one was free!

Wonderful read, drama packed, great characters, and priceless humor!
Trill is a real baller, Sunni is a down chick, and Precious…well Peg-leg. Great job and I can’t wait to read the sequel…there will be a sequel right? There has to be a sequel!!!!

Well, judging by the other poor reviews, it doesn’t tie up any loose ends and it’s as though she just… stopped writing, fell asleep, dreamt she’d finished it, woke up believing she had and then handed it to the publishers who shrugged and put it out anyway. THIS HINTS TOWARDS A SEQUEL, RIGHT? AMIRITE? RIGHT?

Yes, I am aware this is an incredibly easy target. I was hardly expecting Dostoevsky, but I did not know I’d get so much joy out of a book that falls under the category of ‘hip-hop novellas’.

Advertisements